Yesterday I wrote here about the facilities at my office. Was I over-exaggerating? I tend to think I wasn't. Actually quite the opposite. This was being rather lenient.
In my time on this vast blue marble, I have experienced some pretty foul restrooms. There was a time at a bowling alley that I drunkenly meandered into the bathroom only to realize that the floor was entirely soaked in urine. Yes, piss. What kind of heathen would do such a thing? "Hey, that urinal is waaaay over there so why not try to piss down the floor drain? Oh, I missed, I think I'll just keep going."
Etiquette in the bathroom -- especially a public one -- is of the utmost importance. Sure, sometimes at home I get berated because -- as my wife says -- "It smells like a woodland animal is decaying in there. What did you do and why didn't you spray?" So what? I forget to spritz the room with the ever-present can of Lysol. Maybe I should light a candle too. But then there's the hazard of all that odor, a spark and the matter of a full-on bathroom explosion and I don't want to be that guy who blew up his house due to a series of unfortunate mishaps in the bathroom that could have been prevented by not lighting that candle. That's one interview with the local newspaper I don't want to have.
"Could you explain to me how tonight's events unfolded, sir?"
"I pooped, I flushed, I sprayed, I lit the candle, then BOOOOM!"
"I see. And what prompted you to light the candle?"
(Me pointing at my old lady)
See, it's a short but embarrassing interview.
Am I alone here in worrying about blowing the sid eof my house off in a series of unfortunate pooping-related events or am I just disturbed?
3 comments:
heh. NO, you're not the only one afraid of blowing up the house. Try my trick: ban everyone from the upstairs floor for 3 hours after an, um, "event". lol
But what about emergencies in public johns? That's a whole different worry (and post).
Unfortunate pooping related events... That could just possibly be my favorite phrase for the day.
My pooping related pet peeve are the people who talk on their cellphones while using public restrooms. Really? No one wants to hear strangers peeing over a phone. No one.
just disturbed, my friend, just disturbed...
Post a Comment