$234 million! That seems like alot of cash because it actually is. However, to the big wigs running the show at Minnesota's very own shrine to excess, the Mall of America (complete with its newly-named Spongebob amusement park -- take that Peanuts gang!) want the aforementioned sum of money in the form of property tax breaks.
Let me clarify, the Mall of America stands directly across the Twin Cities' busiest stretch of freeway from the area's international airport and adjacent to our very own blue monument to crappy foreign goods with incomprehensible names -- Ikea.
So, first off, the Mall of America was built on the former site of the regions very own outdoor baseball stadium. That is odd because it was vacated in favor of an indoor venue which is now in danger of being vacated for the newly-approved outdoor stadium for the Minnesota Twins on land which they haven't actually bought.
This newest phase of MOA is to be the home of a hotel, an ice rink, a performing arts theater/concert venue and, hold on tight, a Bass Pro Shops store.
Just imagine the cultural significance of what taxpayers will eventually end up footing the bill for: a day of shopping at the likes of Old Navy, The Gap and the previously mentioned Bass Pro Shops followed by a comfortable dining experience at the Hooters Restaurant on the mall's mostly vacant fourth floor. Walk a couple enclosed blocks past the skating rink to your hotel room to deposit your bags and it's off to the big night out "on the mall" to see Cher's final finale tour ever -- promise!
I'm simply giddy about the prospect of having such a cultural landmark only a short, albeit congested, drive away. See, the traffic in that particular area is nothing short of shitty. And shitty is on a good day. It seems overly fair, too, that the residents of suburban Bloomington, Minnesota will be saddled with an increased property tax burden because a couple billionaires want to double the size of Minnesota's worst claim to fame all in the name of creating more jobs lacking any type of actual benefits beyond a paltry paycheck.
Hooray! I'll be waiting anxiously in line when they cut the ribbon to that Bass Pro Shops store 'cuz me likes some fishing gear.
2 comments:
I'm sorry, but I got so excited that I stopped reading at the Spongebob Amusemark Park thingy..or was it a water park? Oh, it doesn't matter..I'm so excited.
If they could build a dome over the entire mall and sell condos inside the dome, so that I would never have to go outside again, I would move back to MN.
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