4 white trash ways to beat the heat

Even with summer coming to an end it's still as hot as satan's butthole outside. That kind of sweltering heat and humidity calls for some inventive and maybe even white trash ways to beat the summer heatwave that has people's mullets and rattails dripping with sweat.

1. Make use of that bath tub you tore out during that bathroom remodel you did in 1994. Drag that sucker out in the front yard, fill it up with the trusty, old garden hose and take a dip in it. You'll be cool for days. Or until the cool water leaks out reminding you why you replaced the tub to begin with.

2. Make use of those 5 gallon pickle buckets from your job at Burger King. Take 'em home and, when paired with some ice from the ice machine from your sweet gig at BK, dunk your feet in 'em and feel the instant and icy relief from the heat.

3. No sprinkler, no problem. Due to your aforementioned sweet gig at Burger King you have access to more than enough pickle buckets. Grab yourself one of those plastic buckets, find a nail and pound some holes in the bottom of it and awkwardly wedge it between the steps of your neighbor's ladder you "borrowed". Stuff a running garden hose in the top of the bucket and you have yourself a free sprinkler to frollick beneath.

4. Mesh shirt. Duh.