Well, if I read it on Slate, it has to be true. Or dripping with sarcasm. Which is exactly how I like things to be.
If this recession, which at times still has me scurrying for a box to pack up everything on and in my desk, is over does that mean that I will someday get back to working 40 hours each week for fifty-two weeks each and every year? Will the jobs produced with this magical recovery have benefits associated with them or will they be service-type jobs as the Home Depots of the world again needlessly expand into ridiculously small markets that even under the best of conditions would be unable to support them?
Or will the rich white guys whose pockets are never pilfered during a downturn wise up and bring jobs back from overseas? Has our love-hate relationship with cheap-costing but shittily-made Chines crap come to an end? Will we finally realize that you do get what you pay for? Will Americans realize that you don't need to have one of everything? Or would such a realization hold us back from a consumer-driven recovery?
Hell, I don't know crap about the economy but I will say that this downturn has produced some up-and-coming candidates for Dumpy Strip Malls right here in the south metro of the Twin Cities. Who could have imagined that a coffee shop every six blocks was unnecessary? Who could have ever guessed that the world didn't demand six auto parts stores all along a two mile stretch of highway? And dammit if I didn't see a surplus of beads coming. After all, beads make the world go round and if we can't have a bead store in every strip mall, the terrorists will surely win.
MinnPics is alot like the Energizer bunny,it keeps going regardless of what shape the economy is in because art of all formats makes the world a better place.
Showing posts with label mockery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mockery. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Friday, September 05, 2008
I want to be your next Vice President, make that PRESIDENT!
Hi, as you have gotten to know me over the past few years, you have come to expect a certain level of professionalism and I have the utmost respect for you. I am honored to be here today to accept this highly coveted position of Vice President. Hell, let's make that President. Yes, I want to be your next president!
(pause for wild applause)
Many of my detractors will say that I am ill-prepared for such a lofty position. To them, I say BRING IT ON. You, the people, are hungry. You are hungry for change and waffles and I wholly support that change and those waffles.
(more wild applause here)
My opponent has now stated their position on change and has said "it is coming". Well, Christmas is coming as well but I don't have my Christmas tree out of the closet yet.
(yet more insane applause and now chanting)
Thank you. Thank you.
Every day, the struggles of Joe and Jane American are what I hear about. I hear that they are concerned about their safety. Their safety from terrorists around the world will be my number one priority. If a dirty bomb enters this country, I'll know about it. If someone inside our borders produces a dirty bomb, I'll track down the restaurant they ate at and admonish them for such acts of gastro-intestinal distress and imprison the proprietors for a crime. A hate crime. Because I'd hate to make a dirty bomb in my undies.
(wild applause, people fainting)
Thank you. Thank you.
Immigration is another of my targets as president. Our country needs immigrants because of birth control and the high use of contraceptives. As president, I will promptly ban all forms of birth control and contraception as I further my efforts to spur higher birth rates. There's an old saying in Texas, probably in Tennessee too, even an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy is a good thing. At 17 years old, you are ready to be a parent and getting married with only about 70 years of life ahead of you is the RIGHT THING TO DO!
(long pause for wild applause as I slam a shot of whiskey)
Thank you. Thank you.
I know what you're thinking. You are thinking that I am too young or too old for this position. Some of you are correct. I'll let you figure out which of you are correct because age, age is just a number. It's is no more important than another number. That number, of course, is one's IQ. Mine, much like my age, is well into the double digits and above the average January temperature of Alaska in January. Yes, I am like you. I velcro my shoes up one strap at a time JUST LIKE YOU!
(more damn applause!)
In closing, I would like to thank you, Joe and Jane American, for having the faith that an imbred man who was raised by raccoons can LEAD THIS COUNTRY! A man with a total of eleven toes, a habit of eating school paste and a fondness for dry-humping shopping carts can build that bridge to the future. A man with only a third grade education who can barely bathe himself can unite a fractured populace and BUILD MUD HUTS FOR EVERYONE!
(wild applause, people lighting fires)
Thank you, America, and good night!!!
In all seriousness, MinnPics has the photos that tell the stories taking place throughout Minnesota so check it out!
(pause for wild applause)
Many of my detractors will say that I am ill-prepared for such a lofty position. To them, I say BRING IT ON. You, the people, are hungry. You are hungry for change and waffles and I wholly support that change and those waffles.
(more wild applause here)
My opponent has now stated their position on change and has said "it is coming". Well, Christmas is coming as well but I don't have my Christmas tree out of the closet yet.
(yet more insane applause and now chanting)
Thank you. Thank you.
Every day, the struggles of Joe and Jane American are what I hear about. I hear that they are concerned about their safety. Their safety from terrorists around the world will be my number one priority. If a dirty bomb enters this country, I'll know about it. If someone inside our borders produces a dirty bomb, I'll track down the restaurant they ate at and admonish them for such acts of gastro-intestinal distress and imprison the proprietors for a crime. A hate crime. Because I'd hate to make a dirty bomb in my undies.
(wild applause, people fainting)
Thank you. Thank you.
Immigration is another of my targets as president. Our country needs immigrants because of birth control and the high use of contraceptives. As president, I will promptly ban all forms of birth control and contraception as I further my efforts to spur higher birth rates. There's an old saying in Texas, probably in Tennessee too, even an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy is a good thing. At 17 years old, you are ready to be a parent and getting married with only about 70 years of life ahead of you is the RIGHT THING TO DO!
(long pause for wild applause as I slam a shot of whiskey)
Thank you. Thank you.
I know what you're thinking. You are thinking that I am too young or too old for this position. Some of you are correct. I'll let you figure out which of you are correct because age, age is just a number. It's is no more important than another number. That number, of course, is one's IQ. Mine, much like my age, is well into the double digits and above the average January temperature of Alaska in January. Yes, I am like you. I velcro my shoes up one strap at a time JUST LIKE YOU!
(more damn applause!)
In closing, I would like to thank you, Joe and Jane American, for having the faith that an imbred man who was raised by raccoons can LEAD THIS COUNTRY! A man with a total of eleven toes, a habit of eating school paste and a fondness for dry-humping shopping carts can build that bridge to the future. A man with only a third grade education who can barely bathe himself can unite a fractured populace and BUILD MUD HUTS FOR EVERYONE!
(wild applause, people lighting fires)
Thank you, America, and good night!!!
In all seriousness, MinnPics has the photos that tell the stories taking place throughout Minnesota so check it out!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)