It happened last Wednesday. My mom called in the middle of the day to inform me that her sister’s health was worse than previously expected. Her sister, the youngest of three siblings from my mom’s family, had never married and lived alone in the same apartment for over thirty years. Her health, though, had gone downhill rapidly over the previous six weeks.
I offered to come after work and visit them as they waited for news at the hospital. With her brother from out of state on his way, though, my mom opted to wait for him. She is both an open and closed-off person — at least emotionally speaking. I have rarely seen my mom show her emotions. It’s the way she was raised, I suppose. They grew up with little, thrived on hard work and long hours and survived on little. It’s a generational thing.
I knew, though, that when my mom declined my offer to visit her, her brother and my dad (as well as my aunt) that things were not good. Nobody want to be seen when they are in rapidly declining health by members of even the extended family. As it stands, I am the only nephew my aunt and uncle have. My uncle, married twice, never had children and my parents have only me. Small families are typically close-knit and I suppose ours is no different. I arrived home form work that evening and further discussed with my wife what was going on. I flatly explained that this is just how my mom is. My wife knows it and has seen it. A hug is a rarity but the love, often unspoken, is still there.
When my phone rang on my way to work the following morning I already knew what it was about. My aunt, at the age of 63 years old, had passed away at 2:23 AM at St. Mary’s Hospital in Rochester. After only one day in the hospital in Mankato, she was airlifted when bad became worse. They contemplated surgery but with the medication my aunt was on she would have likely bled to death. If medical attention, and a consensus between doctors at the clinic and the hospital in Mankato, would have been sought out earlier, the trio of conditions could have likely been treated. Instead my aunt passed away due to complications from a kidney disease, a possibly ruptured colon and a nerve disorder. All of which stemmed from a poor diet and a lack of medical attention.
When this happened, I wondered how my mom would deal with it. Separated by about 100 miles, the two spoke weekly via phone. My mom is the oldest in the family and she is the glue that holds not only her family but my dad’s family together, too. They visited in person regularly and my mom looked out for her as plenty of older siblings do for their younger siblings.
My mom, though, described what she was experiencing only as “a bit tough”. That’s who my mom is. She can talk for hours but when it comes to anything remotely personal, the conversation is quickly steered away from that topic.
The troubling part for me is that this was the first death of a close family member. The first aunt to pass away. Sadly, it marks what will likely be a regular occurrence for years to come. My dad is one of seven siblings and he also has two step-siblings. That leaves around a dozen family members when you factor in spouses. The next twenty-five years will be full of losses for my extended family.
But instead of thinking about the losses, I like to focus on the positives. My daughter will have her first of probably many boyfriends. My son will start school and slay plenty of ladies with his good looks. Things will continue to change and evolve for my wife and me. Our friends and family will continue to grow. We’ll have far more good times than bad.
The inevitable changes will happen but the memories will last forever.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
This is why family and friends are important
I bill myself as a bit of a hermit at times. Just like everyone else, I enjoy some solitude. Whether that means toiling away in silence in my ever-expanding garden or simply going for a run, I like to get away. But int he end I always return to life. I have great friends, a great family and tons of work acquaintances with whom I interact with, converse and joke with every day.
It really dawned on me last night as I spoke with my mom on the phone about a cousin of her's who had died in a car accident late last week. The sheriff of the Iowa county he lived in had contacted my mom from a Christmas card (obviously tucked away in the envelope it was sent in) his department found after his death. My mom's cousin had one lone friend who he had coffee with every day. He was a bachelor whose parents had passed many years ago. His only sister died when she was a mere twenty years old. He had no living aunts or uncles, only a scattering of cousins who obviously lived far away and only kept in touch infrequently. That's where my mom comes in to play.
Outside of a neighbor of my mom's cousin who was leasing his farm, the sheriff's department had literally no paper trail of who to contact following his death. If my mom, ever the greeting card purchaser, hadn't sent Christmas cards to each and every one of her close, distant and very distant relations which my parents have tracked down in the past two-plus decades, this cousin of her's may not have even had one single relative attend his funeral -- not to mention the planning of it.
Her cousin, apparently a great planner at least, had more than enough money saved away which will pay for his funeral and burial or cremation. According to my mom, it's an admittedly odd role to be playing for someone whom she has only met once or twice but even with the objections of her brother, she is doing what she knows is right for a man she barely knew who had nobody else.
As I age, I hope to be at least half as selfless as my mom is. Both of my parents are kind givers who are always to help at the drop of a hat. This latest effort of helping leaves them driving half-way through Iowa, likely twice, from their southern Minnesota farm during what is already a late planting season to help what many would consider to be a stranger just to give this man a dignified send-off. That makes them heroes in my book.
If there is a lesson to be learned here it's to keep your family and friends close because you never know what kind of unimaginable events could come your way and that network will always be have someone in it who is willing to help.
It really dawned on me last night as I spoke with my mom on the phone about a cousin of her's who had died in a car accident late last week. The sheriff of the Iowa county he lived in had contacted my mom from a Christmas card (obviously tucked away in the envelope it was sent in) his department found after his death. My mom's cousin had one lone friend who he had coffee with every day. He was a bachelor whose parents had passed many years ago. His only sister died when she was a mere twenty years old. He had no living aunts or uncles, only a scattering of cousins who obviously lived far away and only kept in touch infrequently. That's where my mom comes in to play.
Outside of a neighbor of my mom's cousin who was leasing his farm, the sheriff's department had literally no paper trail of who to contact following his death. If my mom, ever the greeting card purchaser, hadn't sent Christmas cards to each and every one of her close, distant and very distant relations which my parents have tracked down in the past two-plus decades, this cousin of her's may not have even had one single relative attend his funeral -- not to mention the planning of it.
Her cousin, apparently a great planner at least, had more than enough money saved away which will pay for his funeral and burial or cremation. According to my mom, it's an admittedly odd role to be playing for someone whom she has only met once or twice but even with the objections of her brother, she is doing what she knows is right for a man she barely knew who had nobody else.
As I age, I hope to be at least half as selfless as my mom is. Both of my parents are kind givers who are always to help at the drop of a hat. This latest effort of helping leaves them driving half-way through Iowa, likely twice, from their southern Minnesota farm during what is already a late planting season to help what many would consider to be a stranger just to give this man a dignified send-off. That makes them heroes in my book.
If there is a lesson to be learned here it's to keep your family and friends close because you never know what kind of unimaginable events could come your way and that network will always be have someone in it who is willing to help.
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Reverb10: Party
December 9 – Party Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans. (Author: Shauna Reid)Being saddled with a child has left me sadly removed from much in the way of social gatherings involving adults sans toddlers but that hasn't stopped me from having fun. We always have our annual extended weekend retreat to my friend's cabin at a mostly private southern Minnesota lake. On the outside it doesn't sound like it would be a ton of fun because of the setting but I fail to remember a time in my ten or so visits that has been lacking of good times.
This year's event saw that sad but typical once a year gathering of old friends who refuse to stifle their youthfulness despite all having adult obligations. We played rodeo golf for what seemed like hours without end. We played round after round of cornhole. We played like little kids off the end of the dock as, like the inmature idiots we are, we scooped up and threw huge wads of lake weeds at each other and even adorned some of the group with disgusting and unsuspected lake weed wigs.
Each evening was capped off with a bonfire and/or a rather intense round or two of poker. The faces have aged but the ties remain strong even as we scatter across the state and change but that once a year gathering (and other non-annual events like it) keep us grounded and remind each and every one of us where we came from. For most of us, it's as close to a second family as we will ever get.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Why cooperatives and networks work
As I read this transcript about the evolution of news gathering and how the future involves cooperation, I was reminded of a conversation I had with my dad on Thanksgiving day. As we sat eating some late afternoon dessert, he casually mentioned how farms around theirs were quickly swapping hands. Be it auctions with others purchasing the land or simply a change in renters of the farms it got my mind running. I quickly did the math (as my dad has done numerous times) and realized the potential yearly income they were sitting on. Then, as we talked more, I realized what is happening around them.
It all clicked for me today after I read that link above. My dad had explained that the ever-escalating rent prices - as high as $310/acre - were possibly because a group of farmers spanning a distance of well over 20 miles had teamed up. The moderately-sized operators partnered with a grain elevator, a chemical/fertilizer supplier, an equipment dealer and a seed company and, with the backing of what I assume are wholesale prices for their supplies and a bank eager to toss out truckloads of cash, had quickly amassed over 20,000 acres of land with a goal of acquiring 30,000 acres.
To put this in perspective, the average size of a "family" farm in my parent's area ranges from 1,000-2,000 acres. Some is owned, some is rented. They typically own their machinery and operate on somewhat slim margins. My parents were paying $120/acre rent which, after 23 years of renting one farm, had finally put them in the black financially.
That kind of business (at that size it's far, far beyond the scope of a farm) would be impossible to run with just one family and a few employees. Even if the partnership were just the farmer pooling their collective resources it would still be impossible. Without an epic amount of planning it's a logistical nightmare full of potential problems. But when you factor in the logistical resources and technological knowhow of those ag-related businesses it becomes manageable. Every aspect of the operation, when the businesses are factored in, is instantly manageable because those businesses already have people on staff or know of people who have the skills necessary to keep the wheels of such a mammoth operation moving with nary a hiccup.
While a mega-farm like the one we discussed over pumpkin pie is most certainly the end for small farmers like my parents, it actually makes sense when looked at from a business perspective. It's typical of what's happening in every facet of business. Lean times mean slim margins. But those slim margins are margins of scale and if you can multiply them enough times - barring any sort of natural disaster - you have some rather impressive profits. That's exactly what these farmers - farmers who have fought the same yearly battles my parents have - have realized. With wise decisions and smart partnerships - those who don't take huge chunks of the profits - every business can survive.
But don't expect my parents to take up an offer for that sky-high rent when they retire. They would b surrounded by furious neighbors who would likely run them out of town. Sure, business is business but those friendships with those neighbors run generations deep. Eventually someone's feelings will get hurt but in any case it's just business.
If you want something less mundane, check out the photos at MinnPics. They are there to captivate you.
It all clicked for me today after I read that link above. My dad had explained that the ever-escalating rent prices - as high as $310/acre - were possibly because a group of farmers spanning a distance of well over 20 miles had teamed up. The moderately-sized operators partnered with a grain elevator, a chemical/fertilizer supplier, an equipment dealer and a seed company and, with the backing of what I assume are wholesale prices for their supplies and a bank eager to toss out truckloads of cash, had quickly amassed over 20,000 acres of land with a goal of acquiring 30,000 acres.
To put this in perspective, the average size of a "family" farm in my parent's area ranges from 1,000-2,000 acres. Some is owned, some is rented. They typically own their machinery and operate on somewhat slim margins. My parents were paying $120/acre rent which, after 23 years of renting one farm, had finally put them in the black financially.
That kind of business (at that size it's far, far beyond the scope of a farm) would be impossible to run with just one family and a few employees. Even if the partnership were just the farmer pooling their collective resources it would still be impossible. Without an epic amount of planning it's a logistical nightmare full of potential problems. But when you factor in the logistical resources and technological knowhow of those ag-related businesses it becomes manageable. Every aspect of the operation, when the businesses are factored in, is instantly manageable because those businesses already have people on staff or know of people who have the skills necessary to keep the wheels of such a mammoth operation moving with nary a hiccup.
While a mega-farm like the one we discussed over pumpkin pie is most certainly the end for small farmers like my parents, it actually makes sense when looked at from a business perspective. It's typical of what's happening in every facet of business. Lean times mean slim margins. But those slim margins are margins of scale and if you can multiply them enough times - barring any sort of natural disaster - you have some rather impressive profits. That's exactly what these farmers - farmers who have fought the same yearly battles my parents have - have realized. With wise decisions and smart partnerships - those who don't take huge chunks of the profits - every business can survive.
But don't expect my parents to take up an offer for that sky-high rent when they retire. They would b surrounded by furious neighbors who would likely run them out of town. Sure, business is business but those friendships with those neighbors run generations deep. Eventually someone's feelings will get hurt but in any case it's just business.
If you want something less mundane, check out the photos at MinnPics. They are there to captivate you.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Bad family photos
I don't think I've ever been a aprt of a "family" photo. I despise being in front of the camera because it's not me. I make myself busy behind the camera in an effort to make the subjects of the photo look natural and comfortable and have fun.
Then I see photos like these. The person taking crap photos like this should be beaten mercilessly but that kind of punishment would put an end to such atrocious photos as these. The posing is horribly forced and everything about the photos are bad. Laugh if you like.
This family must be part monkey because there is no way anyone else would climb a tree only to be posed riding a large tree branch. Maybe in the photographer's head it seemed like a kick-ass idea but when put on paper it looks like another awkward family photo that we can all snicker at.
For photos that don't suck, check out MinnPics.
Then I see photos like these. The person taking crap photos like this should be beaten mercilessly but that kind of punishment would put an end to such atrocious photos as these. The posing is horribly forced and everything about the photos are bad. Laugh if you like.
One or two people leaning on their fist is borderline okay but a group of five being forced, probably against their will, to rest their chin on their fist is bad... or funny... But in the end it makes for an awkward family photo.
This family must be part monkey because there is no way anyone else would climb a tree only to be posed riding a large tree branch. Maybe in the photographer's head it seemed like a kick-ass idea but when put on paper it looks like another awkward family photo that we can all snicker at.For photos that don't suck, check out MinnPics.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Looking back
How was your Christmas? Mine was just dandy. Was it just me or did there seem to be a lot less stuff this year? Don't take that as complaining because less stuff means that maybe, just maybe, people finally woke up to reality. Maybe people realized that Christmas is more about being together with family. No matter how much you all bicker and fight, they are your family and unlike some no-name Chinese-made video game system, they won't end up in the trash or in a box in the garage in 8 months.
What was the best treat that you had at Christmas dinner? Oh, mine, you ask? My favorite was the Oreo cheesecake dessert. I love me some cheesecake and as far as pre-packaged cheesecake in a box desserts, the Oreo one it tops with me.
On and the best gift I got, that would have to be a tie between my new cordless drill and the new office chair for my home office. Both items were much-needed and will be put to good use meaning that neither will end up in a box in the garage any time soon. What about you? DId you get one of theose "Damn, I needed that" gifts? Let me know at your convenience and enjoy the long, lazy week ahead of us.
If looking back is your thing, check out MinnPics for the best photos taken in Minnesota in the past year. Check back often as more are added!
What was the best treat that you had at Christmas dinner? Oh, mine, you ask? My favorite was the Oreo cheesecake dessert. I love me some cheesecake and as far as pre-packaged cheesecake in a box desserts, the Oreo one it tops with me.
On and the best gift I got, that would have to be a tie between my new cordless drill and the new office chair for my home office. Both items were much-needed and will be put to good use meaning that neither will end up in a box in the garage any time soon. What about you? DId you get one of theose "Damn, I needed that" gifts? Let me know at your convenience and enjoy the long, lazy week ahead of us.
If looking back is your thing, check out MinnPics for the best photos taken in Minnesota in the past year. Check back often as more are added!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
The end of America (the short version)
I blame MTV.
I blame American Idol.
I blame "reality" TV.
I blame the general population.
I blame myself, too.
Yes, it's a big blame game but I have legit questions too.
Are Americans so downtrodden and worn down by their own lives that the only recourse is escapism? Is the only way to accept their own lives to live vicariously through the lowest of the lows that fill the broadcast schedules on the TV channels we watch?
Are we so overly exposed to our sad and pathetic reality that our only escape is what has become (for some at least) an unhealthy obsession with pop culture including celebrities and the "reality" television that comes along with them? After all, if there wasn't a market for the products, would the papparazzi violently stalk celebrities?
I could go down one path here and state that America needs to pay attention to the real reality that surrounds us (wars, our economy, the election, etc.) but too much of one thing is not a good thing at all.
The other path is to find a balance. It sounds preachy to say it and I know I'm far from perfect but I can honestly say I don't watch shit like TMZ or American Idol. I rarely, if ever, watch E!. VH1 and MTV's slathering of bottom feeding programming doesn't get tube time in our house. I don't watch the 24-hour news channels. And at 10 PM I split my time between The Daily Show and the 10 o'clock news on WCCO. Maybe that balance comes from my parents or maybe it's from my own choosing.
Even though I am somewhat young, I tend to think I am from a very different segment of my own generation. I was one of the few growing up who had the luxury of eating supper at the family table. We sat down and ate as a family. Yes, we even managed to do this (in a different venue) during the busy seasons on the farm. It brought out a sense of togetherness. We often had the evening news on in the adjoining living room because living in the country there wasn't the constant barrage of choices on the TV. We talked during the meal and discussed the day. How many truly have that luxury in 2008? How many families make it a point to eat together if the schedules of the working parents provide for it?
I blame American Idol.
I blame "reality" TV.
I blame the general population.
I blame myself, too.
Yes, it's a big blame game but I have legit questions too.
Are Americans so downtrodden and worn down by their own lives that the only recourse is escapism? Is the only way to accept their own lives to live vicariously through the lowest of the lows that fill the broadcast schedules on the TV channels we watch?
Are we so overly exposed to our sad and pathetic reality that our only escape is what has become (for some at least) an unhealthy obsession with pop culture including celebrities and the "reality" television that comes along with them? After all, if there wasn't a market for the products, would the papparazzi violently stalk celebrities?
I could go down one path here and state that America needs to pay attention to the real reality that surrounds us (wars, our economy, the election, etc.) but too much of one thing is not a good thing at all.
The other path is to find a balance. It sounds preachy to say it and I know I'm far from perfect but I can honestly say I don't watch shit like TMZ or American Idol. I rarely, if ever, watch E!. VH1 and MTV's slathering of bottom feeding programming doesn't get tube time in our house. I don't watch the 24-hour news channels. And at 10 PM I split my time between The Daily Show and the 10 o'clock news on WCCO. Maybe that balance comes from my parents or maybe it's from my own choosing.
Even though I am somewhat young, I tend to think I am from a very different segment of my own generation. I was one of the few growing up who had the luxury of eating supper at the family table. We sat down and ate as a family. Yes, we even managed to do this (in a different venue) during the busy seasons on the farm. It brought out a sense of togetherness. We often had the evening news on in the adjoining living room because living in the country there wasn't the constant barrage of choices on the TV. We talked during the meal and discussed the day. How many truly have that luxury in 2008? How many families make it a point to eat together if the schedules of the working parents provide for it?
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