The best Mai Tai on Kauai

I recently returned from a trip to the Hawaiian island of Kauai. Populated with far more chickens that humans, this is definitely the most authentic look at Hawaii I have seen and truly the most laid back of the islands I have visited. In our time on the island of Kauai, we managed to sample a wide variety of Mai Tai cocktails and throughout our travels on the island came up with the list below chronicling the tastiness, price and location of some of the Mai Tais we threw down our drink holes. Use this guide as you plan for your vacation to Kauai as this is the definitive guide to the best Mai Tain on the Hawaiian island of Kauai.

9th Island
Kapa’a
$11
Fruity but definitely not watered down. Two of these will sneak up on you and remind you that you are, in fact, drinking a tropical cocktail that is laden with alcohol. The 9th Island Bar and Grill is located in a strip mall adjacent to the Safeway grocery store in Kapa’a. If you ever get a hankering for a slice of the mainland while on the island of Kauai, this is the bar and grill for you. It doesn’t hurt that it’s owned by a guy with Minnesota roots who is originally from White Bear Lake, MN.


Smith's Family Luau
Kapa’a
Free with admission
The food was the best of the three luaus I have attended in Hawaii and the Mai Tais were the second best of my entire trip to Kauai. You can grab two at a time from the open bar during dinner and it’s entirely possible to drink a dozen cocktails while you eat. While they may be a bit weaker than those which you pay for out of your own pocket at other bars and restaurants, the sheer quantity you can consume in a short amount of time will make up for the somewhat weak mix. They definitely do not lack in the flavor department, though. The show at the Smith Family Luau isn’t bad but not stellar either. I got a hearty laugh out of one of the cultures portrayed whose supposed claim to fame was being able to stroke a chicken to sleep.


Outrigger restaurant/bar - Oasis on the Beach
Kapa’a
$12
Tall and tasty. Mixed with a different blend of tropical juices than I had come to expect, possibly a bit heavy on pineapple. The setting is nice as the Outrigger Waipouli in Kapa’a sits just feet from the beach on the Pacific Ocean. This just so happens to be the very hotel/condo which we stayed at and I would definitely go back again as the Outrigger properties are definitely top notch (we honeymooned at Outrigger Reef on the Beach in Waikiki).


Rob’s Good Times Grill
Lihue
$11
Definitely tops as far as Mai Tai drinking is concerned on Kauai. A little sports bar tucked away next to a bowling alley in Lihue, an ad for Rob’s Good Times Grill ironically played on the radio as we pulled into the parking lot. A buddy of mine boasted about how these were the best Mai Tais he had had during his vacation and he should know as he was rarely seen without a Mai Tai in his hand.


Tiki Iniki
Princeville
$14
Strong Mai Tais. Little if any juice. Good if you want to get rip-roaring drunk in paradise but not flavorful at all. A bit lacking in atmosphere as well as this bar, owned by Todd Rundgren, is located towards the back of a cute little shopping center in the north shore enclave of Princeville. The service was a bit slow at Tiki Iniki and a friend of mine discovered a little paper umbrella smashed in the bottom of one of his green ceramic Mai Tai glasses. That leads even the slowest person to believe that the glass had not been washed. A bit of a disgusting vision to be sure but, like I said, the Mai Tai from Tiki Iniki in Princeville on the island of Kauai was strong and full of alcohol. One short swig and I knew that this outing would be interesting.

Too fat to fly?

Over the weekend, actor and director Kevin Smith raised a ruckus online due to the fact that he was essentially escorted off of a Southwest Airlines flight from Oakland, CA to Burbank, CA for being too fat. The only problem is that he passed their "fat test". He was able to sit in his seat with the arm rests down. He raised a stink about his removal from the flight and he was right for doing so.

Or was he?

I love most everything Kevin Smith has done theatrically speaking. I don't claim to know how much Smith weighs but he is just big. He doesn't appear to be anything near morbidly obese. If I had to venture a guess, I'd say he tips the scales around 280 lbs. Not exactly fit as a fiddle but not to the point of needing a motorized cart at Walmart. He could probably stand to substitute a salad every now and then but most every one of us Americans could do that as well.

So he bought his ticket and got in to his seat.

It's something a friend of mine does on a regular basis. The friend I'm speaking of travels a decent amount of the time for work and he's a big guy as well. He tips the scales at a bit over 300 lbs. He carried it well by being rather barrel chested and I think it's a safe bet to say that he flies coach when he travels because there aren't many employers willing to foot the bill for a first class ticket.

Now if my good buddy can fit in to a coach seat all the time, why was there such a ruckus about Kevin Smith? Did Smith raise such a huge stink over the situation to make an example out of the airlines in America? I'd like to think that his reasoning was just that. I'd love for Kevin Smith to be a vigilante for plus-sized Americans who fly but I think he used his celebrity status to prove a point. His point being that weight discrimination knows no boundaries. He has proven himself to be hugely successful without his weight being a hindrance until that one day when, on his return flight, he was suddenly deemed too fat to fly - even though he was fully seated with the seat's armrests down.

In a perfect world, every guy in America would be a svelt 180 lbs. and this kind of shit wouldn't happen. I would have to be the guy stuck between two large fellas on a flight to Atlanta but, in case you haven't noticed, the world is about as far from perfect as you can get. And if you can get your armrests down, I'll just have to deal with my cursed middle seat.

If you'd rather have a photo tell the story, check out MinnPics - chock full of kick-ass photos from all corners of Minnesota!

Minnesota is crumbling

If you read just the headlines, it would appear that everything in Minnesota is in danger of falling to the ground (or water) below. Very few could have actually missed the national headlines from last August when the Interstate 35-w bridge (all 8 lanes of it) in Minneapolis, MN spanning the Mississippi River collapsed during the afternoon rush hour.

It seemed to be an example of how poor of condition our highways and bridges truly are in Minnesota but it also seemed like an isolated case. Isolated until stringent inspections of other bridges started, that is.

Hundreds of Minnesota's bridges of varying importance were found to be woefully deficient and in danger of the same type of collapse. At that point it rapidly moved from being a danger to those using the bridges to being a major inconvenience to those who had used them on a daily basis as Minnesota was surprisingly found to have a lot of heavily-traveled river crossings, coincidentally where these bridges are.

First a major river crossing in St. Cloud, MN was found to be "deficient" and was closed and marked for replacement. This development spurred even more stringent inspections, moved up repairs and replacements and yet more bridge closures.

The latest closure (Minnesota Highway 43), though, is one in Winona, MN and that has residents and people who are employed in Winona but live across the river in Wisconsin angry and perplexed.

Imagine being part of the 18% of the workforce of the city of Winona who live in Wisconsin and must now choose between the two alternate crossings. Two crossings which lie 30 miles either north or south of Winona. Now imagine having to drive an additional 120 miles per day to get to your place of employment and back home again. Imagine having to do this indefinitely while the Minnesota Department of Transportation (MN-DOT) bumbles and stumbles to come up with both and explanation and solution.

Of course a good scapegoat is the manly looking former transportation commissioner, Carol Molnau. Her inaction and complete lack of planning coupled with the closed-off nature of her department is the definition of a perfect patsy for the crumbling infrastructure in Minnesota.

The list of negatives to come from her time as MN-DOT's boss is too long to describe fully but our state (and others, I'm sure) will be paying for her poor leadership and lack of maintenance for decades to come as the staggering cost of repairs could effectively bankrupt the state.

I'm leaving on a jet plane, I don't want to fly again

Air travel. It's one of those modern marvels. It seems like only yesterday a Alexander Graham Bell put aside his attempts to invent the cotton gin and instead focused his efforts on a flying machine. It's hard to believe that the first flight happened so many years ago (was it really way back in 1945?) on the shores of the Mississippi River within sight of the famed Eiffel Tower in St. Louis, Missouri.

Well, the times have sure changed in those 60-plus years. We've just recently seen the invention of the iPod and then came the laptop computer. Whoa. My head is spinning just thinking about it.

The most amazing invention, though, had to be the jet airplane. Think about 80 years ago as this great country of ours was founded. We had just broken free of the oppressive Spanish rule and were instantly looking forward. Then came that triumphant day 63 years ago. Flight.

Times have changed, though. Nowadays it seems the agenda of the remaining airline conglomerates to takes us from point A to point B but never truly arriving at our ultimate destination. They always seem to get us to our destination without incident but getting home -- not so easy.

All told, we spent relatively little time in the air traveling to Hawaii. See, the handy little map tells the story.

Getting home, though, flat out sucked. United Airways just made the list. Delays are expected because frankly they have us by the fucking balls (or other genitalia) once we are inside these concrete, government-controlled islands of mindlessness.

Maybe it's the fact that you can't leave without having to re-enter the insane security lines staffed by people best described as pricks (ahem, Phoenix -- yes, security between their disconnected terminals).

This experience managed to sour the tail end of our vacation experience but at least I still have the photos.

Am I alone in getting screwed (not inthe Larry Craig sense) in my air travel experiences? Spew forth with your travel horror stories.

Get your fresh points here

With correct guesses from last week's oh-so-mysterious guessing game about my vacation destination, I officially have winners.

Anonymous said...
I am guessing the you are going on safari in Africa to kill an the most elusive of all prey. Or else you are going to Hawaii, I am gonna guess the Big Island.

P.S. I want my grasshopper cookie


snowelf said...
I'm guessing Cali or Hawaii too!
And I'm totally playing this game on my blog sometimes this week too, cause I'm getting the heck outta here next weekend! :)

Regardless of where you're going, have a GREAT time!!

--snow


buffalodickdy said...
Have a nice trip to Hawaii....

The Future Was Yesterday said...
Hawaii, because "The rental car is probably a Hyundai." Nothing bigger will fit the parking spaces on that gawd awful rock (I was there three years with the Navy: sorry:) And you're probably flying USAir because one of their stops is in phoenix before jumping the mud puddle.:)

Hawaii is a dream vacation, but a hellish place to live. A beer was two bucks - and that was back in 1968


On the creativity front (because I am a sorta-creative type sorta kinda) I have winners as well...

Dorky Dad said...
I think that you're going to your Aunt Mildred's house in San Diego. You're taking your winter coat because Mildred keeps the freaking air conditioning at 40 degrees.

Whiskeymarie said...
I think you're travelling to beautiful Toledo, Ohio. You're bringing shorts 'cause you're just the sort of guy that likes to show off his gams. And, I'm pretty sure that EVERY car in Toledo is a Hyundai.

(no offense to any Toledoeans reading this.)

Yes, that's six (count 'em) winners sharing in the 1,500 point bounty. Watch your mailboxes closely for the official "A Day in the Life" envelope containing a voucher with the 250 points you have just won. As for the anonymous bastard who seems to have some sort of inside track (I think I know who you are) on the game, you know the rules for the elusive Grasshopper Cookie. It's 1,100,500 points until the big reward and F.Y.I., our package of nicely refirgerated Grasshopper Cookies was damn tasty as a treat in the Sheraton hotel room after we wandered about Hawaii's Big Island for the past few days.

In other awards news, the award for best damn meal in Kailua-Kona goes to Boston Basil's. Yes, the best Italian food two separate times now goes to a restaurant in Hawaii. The pizza I had beats my old hometown fave of Steve's Pizza but the guava cheesecake is what sealed the deal. Hawaii, you never cease to amaze me.

Hey, if the 250 points for each of the six winners isn't enough and you like to sit, waiting anxiously for what's next, stop back later for photos because what kind of cold heart would I have if I didn't share my photos with the world?

Guess my destination

I'm sick of this place called Minnesota. That's why on Wednesday I'm blowing this here popsicle stand. Yes, I'm leaving on a jet plane but I DO know when I'll be back again.

As I climb aboard a jet plane at Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport after the pre-boarding cavity search (sans lube) I'll finally be free (for a while) of the shackles that bind me. Oh sure, I have a budget like any thrifty mid-western traveler but at least I'll come back rested and ready.

But what does that mean for you, my faithful readers?

Well, I could write a heartfelt poem but poetry isn't my specialty. Instead, a bit of sleuthing. Take random but educated guesses where I'll be spending my week away from Minnesota. Speculate wildly about what I'll be doing. Let your imagination run wild and create the most far fetched story possible and share it. Of course accuracy is a must because as with any good game, points are at stake.

The winner, as judged by me, receives 1,500 points. Your entries will be judged on both creativity and accuracy when I return from my globe-trotting journeys.

I won't leave you hanging, though. A few hints follow to get you started on your wild guessing.

One airport I have a layover at is in Phoenix, Arizona.

I will be taking both shorts and my winter jacket.

Favorite foods at my destination include seafood and fruit.

My destination is at least one time zone away from that of Minnesota.

The rental car is probably a Hyundai.

Alright, speculate away and do your best to get those 1,500 points! See y'all on the 26th!