Easter is one of those holidays which brings all parts of the family together. The host family spends hours cleaning their home, preparing food and planning this only to have it turn to shit in mere minutes.
For us, hosting Easter dinner for the third time in ten years, we partially remodeled both our kitchen and living room, meticulously cleaned our money pit of a house and planned a pretty kick-ass meal. Of course, as luck would have it, the electricity had gone out when we arrived home from an excruciatingly long Easter morning mass. We hauled what we needed to my sister-in-law’s house and the wife cooked what she could there. I stayed home and minded the rugrats and waited for guests to show up.
The guests showed up in a trickle. The electricity came back on at ten minutes before noon and we hustled to get everything on the table by noon. We missed the mark by about ten minutes but that was, by far, the most timely holiday meal which had been served in over a decade for this particular family by anyone hosting it.
The problem, though, was that eleven people had yet to show up. I graciously waited five minutes and, after that time, calmly proclaimed “screw ‘em” and told everyone to eat. The food was as good as could be expected but where in the holy hell have people’s manners gone? I know that life gets in the way and kids can be a total bitch to get out the door in a timely fashion but it’s not like this was sprung on you a few hours ago. We told people months ago, followed up by a reminder a few weeks ago and a reminder about what to bring about two weeks ago.
So, why can’t people show up at a designated time? Everyone lives within ten minutes of our house. The wife’s dad showed up 50 minutes late. One of her brothers and his family showed up over an hour late. Her sister and family rolled up thirty minutes late. That accounts for a whopping fourteen guests showing up late. I get that holidays should be fun and relaxed but, shit, plan your time a bit better. While this isn’t a fucking job interview, have some respect for those who have the kindness to invite you lazy, untimely bastards into their house and feed you for free. Showing up on time is the least you can do.
Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Easter. Show all posts
Monday, April 06, 2015
Thursday, April 02, 2015
Bunnies and eggs, an Easter question
Why are the two traditional symbols of the commercialized Easter holiday entirely unrelated?
Bunnies don't come from chicken eggs and chicken eggs don't come from bunnies. Sure, if my science here is correct, bunnies do in fact come from eggs but that involves freaky bunny sex which, amazingly, I know nothing about except that 'fucking like bunnies' is a popular term when describing your friends who have insane amounts of sex.
Great, I went off on a twisted tale involving humans fucking like bunnies while trying to decipher the symbols of easter. Just give me the ticket to hell, please.
Where is the relationship, folks? Why must we surround ourselves with an Easter basket full of varying types of eggs and fill the fucker out with an Easter bunny? Which came first, the bunny or the eggs? Huh? Wait a minute.
That old tale is about a chicken and an egg, two things which are related. Chickens come from eggs and vice versa. Not the same with bunnies. Bunnies are born alive, they are not hatched.
Maybe bunnies, in some corner of the world, give birth to eggs where pollution runs rampant and thus began the tradition. Or maybe they swim underwater at the Mall of America like Scuba Bunny does...
Enlighten me, please.
Bunnies don't come from chicken eggs and chicken eggs don't come from bunnies. Sure, if my science here is correct, bunnies do in fact come from eggs but that involves freaky bunny sex which, amazingly, I know nothing about except that 'fucking like bunnies' is a popular term when describing your friends who have insane amounts of sex.
Great, I went off on a twisted tale involving humans fucking like bunnies while trying to decipher the symbols of easter. Just give me the ticket to hell, please.
Where is the relationship, folks? Why must we surround ourselves with an Easter basket full of varying types of eggs and fill the fucker out with an Easter bunny? Which came first, the bunny or the eggs? Huh? Wait a minute.
That old tale is about a chicken and an egg, two things which are related. Chickens come from eggs and vice versa. Not the same with bunnies. Bunnies are born alive, they are not hatched.
Maybe bunnies, in some corner of the world, give birth to eggs where pollution runs rampant and thus began the tradition. Or maybe they swim underwater at the Mall of America like Scuba Bunny does...
Enlighten me, please.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Planting potatoes on Good Friday
For the Catholic church, March 29, 2013 is Good Friday and it's about as early as the holiday and its companion -- Easter -- can land on the modern calendar. Good Friday is also the traditional day to plant seed potatoes in gardens. That won't be happening this year in Minnesota.
This is what my backyard looks like.
Reports say that beneath that blanket of snow lies anywhere from two to four feet of frost. That, along with the fact that the temperature has cracked the forty degree mark about once this month means that nobody will be planting anything outdoors in Minnesota for at least three weeks.
Now the tradition of planting potatoes on Good Friday goes way back to when Protestants (Lutherans, etc.) refused to accept potatoes as they weren't mentioned in the bible and Catholics began planting them on Good Friday as a way for others to accept that the potatoes had been baptized. It's a great form of trickery but it's just not realistic this year.
Don't get me wrong, though. Last year I had potatoes and onions in the ground by Good Friday (which was one week later in 2012) but the month of March is 2012 also saw many days with high temperatures in the 70s and 80s -- something which seems many months away this year.
For now I have my mini greenhouse with well over 200 seedlings growing taller and stronger by the day. That will have to suffice for the next 5-7 weeks until the weather begins to cooperate for us frigid Minnesotans.
This is what my backyard looks like.
Reports say that beneath that blanket of snow lies anywhere from two to four feet of frost. That, along with the fact that the temperature has cracked the forty degree mark about once this month means that nobody will be planting anything outdoors in Minnesota for at least three weeks.
Now the tradition of planting potatoes on Good Friday goes way back to when Protestants (Lutherans, etc.) refused to accept potatoes as they weren't mentioned in the bible and Catholics began planting them on Good Friday as a way for others to accept that the potatoes had been baptized. It's a great form of trickery but it's just not realistic this year.
Don't get me wrong, though. Last year I had potatoes and onions in the ground by Good Friday (which was one week later in 2012) but the month of March is 2012 also saw many days with high temperatures in the 70s and 80s -- something which seems many months away this year.
For now I have my mini greenhouse with well over 200 seedlings growing taller and stronger by the day. That will have to suffice for the next 5-7 weeks until the weather begins to cooperate for us frigid Minnesotans.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Follow-up: Charlie Brown likes Easter, indifferent about Passover
It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown
It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown has to be one of the worst holiday-themed specials in the Charlie Brown franchise. It's so bad, in fact, that I can't seem to find it being aired this week on ABC which owns the rights to the entire Charlie Brown holiday franchise. But if you want to kill 25 or so minutes, watch it above but try not to fall asleep.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Easter overlooked by Charlie Brown
If casually watching ABC has taught me anything it's that there are a TON of Charlie Brown cartoon specials. From Christmas and Halloween to Valentine's Day and Thanksgiving, it's seems that America's lovable loser, Charlie Brown, has them covered with his own bland form of holiday entertainment. The one, though, that I can't seem to remember ever seeing an advertisement for is an Easter-themed special.
Maybe Easter, with all of its murderous celebration of Jesus Christ, isn't something that Charles Schulz wanted to cover. Maybe the Easter Bunny wasn't kosher with sharing the spotlight with another animal, Snoopy, for a televised cartoon special. Whatever the case, an Easter (or Passover) Charlie Brown special seems to be either missing from the library of Charlie Brown cartoons or missing from my vast memory of TV events. I'd even take some sort of Charlie Brown/Rachael Ray crossover special where a live action Rachael Ray shares some of her favorite Easter recipes with Charlie Brown and friends to make it more culturally relevant. But that's probably just a pipe dream.
While I don't expect a written explanation to come from the family of Charles Schulz explaining the absence of a Charlie Brown Easter (or Passover) special from teh archives of the Charlie Brown library which ABC somehow came to own, I would be interesting in hearing your thoughts on this travesty.
Maybe Easter, with all of its murderous celebration of Jesus Christ, isn't something that Charles Schulz wanted to cover. Maybe the Easter Bunny wasn't kosher with sharing the spotlight with another animal, Snoopy, for a televised cartoon special. Whatever the case, an Easter (or Passover) Charlie Brown special seems to be either missing from the library of Charlie Brown cartoons or missing from my vast memory of TV events. I'd even take some sort of Charlie Brown/Rachael Ray crossover special where a live action Rachael Ray shares some of her favorite Easter recipes with Charlie Brown and friends to make it more culturally relevant. But that's probably just a pipe dream.
While I don't expect a written explanation to come from the family of Charles Schulz explaining the absence of a Charlie Brown Easter (or Passover) special from teh archives of the Charlie Brown library which ABC somehow came to own, I would be interesting in hearing your thoughts on this travesty.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Bunnies and eggs, is there a relationship?
Why are the two traditional symbols of the commercialized Easter holiday entirely unrelated?
Bunnies don't come from chicken eggs and chicken eggs don't come from bunnies. Sure, if my science here is correct, bunnies do in fact come from eggs but that involves freaky bunny sex which, amazingly, I know nothing about except that 'fucking like bunnies' is a popular term when describing your friends who have insane amounts of sex.
Great, I went off on a twisted tale involving humans fucking like bunnies while trying to decipher the symbols of easter. Just give me the ticket to hell, please.
Where is the relationship, folks? Why must we surround ourselves with an Easter basket full of varying types of eggs and fill the fucker out with an Easter bunny? Which came first, the bunny or the eggs? Huh? Wait a minute.
That old tale is about a chicken and an egg, two things which are related. Chickens come from eggs and vice versa. Not the same with bunnies. Bunnies are born alive, they are not hatched.
Maybe bunnies, in some corner of the world, give birth to eggs where pollution runs rampant and thus began the tradition. Or maybe they swim underwater at the Mall of America like Scuba Bunny does...
Enlighten me, please.
Bunnies don't come from chicken eggs and chicken eggs don't come from bunnies. Sure, if my science here is correct, bunnies do in fact come from eggs but that involves freaky bunny sex which, amazingly, I know nothing about except that 'fucking like bunnies' is a popular term when describing your friends who have insane amounts of sex.
Great, I went off on a twisted tale involving humans fucking like bunnies while trying to decipher the symbols of easter. Just give me the ticket to hell, please.
Where is the relationship, folks? Why must we surround ourselves with an Easter basket full of varying types of eggs and fill the fucker out with an Easter bunny? Which came first, the bunny or the eggs? Huh? Wait a minute.
That old tale is about a chicken and an egg, two things which are related. Chickens come from eggs and vice versa. Not the same with bunnies. Bunnies are born alive, they are not hatched.
Maybe bunnies, in some corner of the world, give birth to eggs where pollution runs rampant and thus began the tradition. Or maybe they swim underwater at the Mall of America like Scuba Bunny does...
Enlighten me, please.
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