My newest gripe: gas stations

First off, they haven't been simple "gas stations" since the 1970s but that's another story for another day. Today it hit me as I stood alongside my car filling it with rather costly gasoline: gas stations are really annoying. It really hit me while at this particular Kwik Trip as I was barraged with obnoxious music fit best for a slow ride on an elevator bound for hell.

I don't quite know when it became the norm for mega convenience stores to assault our auditory senses in this fashion. I know that in the past couple years that too many Twin Cities-area Holiday stations have added those annoying as hell televisions at their pumps so we can be punched in the face with messages from KSTP-TV and KARE-TV about their breaking news and endless loops consisting of promos for their respective network's shows which I care nothing about.

But in the end the music coming over the speakers sealed the deal for me. I might actually seek out backwoods-type gas stations totally lacking in technology, ambiance and general safety to avoid this full-on assault on my senses just to avoid hearing ultra-shitty and non-offensive soft rock hits, the store's latest specials and a clerk announcing which pump is clear for takeoff - please pay inside when done!

Cut all the crap. I'm here to fill my car with gas. I don't give a damn about being surrounded with music so knock it off. I don't want a damn "experience". I want my fucking gas so I can get back on the freeway and find something else to think about writing here because it seems like more and more of life's conveniences aren't exactly pleasing. Maybe I should start scouting out land in the middle of Montana and get the hell away from civilization before a crosswalk/stoplight with a timer sends me completely off the edge.

One of the few things keeping me sane is MinnPics. The photographers populating Minnesota create some amazing photos and I'm lucky enough to be a part of the further sharing of them so go - now - check them out!

Gas stations unwilling to sell gas?

First off, I'll correct myself and call them convenience stores. Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe it was a mechanical issue. Maybe it was a simple computer mishap. Or maybe it's a vast conspiracy put in motion by Super America stores across the Twin Cities and their corporate overlords, Speedway.

Whatever the case was, the pumps (not just mine) at the Super America in Shakopee on Marschall Road were unwilling to give up the gas that my car was jonesing for. The dude (it's all about the hair and his sweatshirt) at the pump next to mine said all the pumps were painfully slow. I trust words coming from a dude. I even joked about going home without my fix however I wasn't going to leave empty-tanked because at prices ($1.65) I haven't seen for four years, I was definitely filling up here.

Maybe it isn't a vast conspiracy where Super America signs advertise a shockingly low price (although the adjacent Kwik Trip had the same price) and refuse to dispense any actual gas. Maybe the tanker truck mistakenly filled the underground tanks with varying grades of molasses. Maybe it was worse, cement!

Or maybe, just maybe, Super America is conspiring to starve the Twin Cities of its gasoline supply. Sure, it starts with just the one store but soon enough Burnsville stores aren't pumping fuel. Then it jumps across the river to Bloomington, Richfield, Edina, Plymouth and on until the entire Twin Cities is without gas! Then other stores such as Holiday, Kwik Trip and BP follow suit — all because $1.65/gallon is just too damn low to justify actually selling the fuel!

Or maybe it was a one time hiccup localized to that one damn store that I stupidly pulled in to. But a vast conspiracy like the one I laid out can be entertaining too. Right?

Or maybe you want to get the hell out of here and go someplace sane. May I suggest MinnPics and its wealth of amazing photographs of Minnesota by Minnesotans?

My dreams suck

No, I'm not talking about the dreams of my future. I'm talking about the dreams that happen while I am tossing and turning in bed, running in my sleep and eventually waking up with the covers on the floor and my feet stuck in the wrought iron adornments of my headboard.

My most recent dream seems to be centered on current events.

If you haven't noticed, gas prices are hovering around two bucks per gallon. But my fear is that what goes down must go up. This may have led to my dream.

I just remember bieing totally livid after driving to work having seen that gas prices had, overnight, risen to a low of $3.64 (yes, my dreams are precise) to a high of $8.98 per gallon at a Shell station next to my office.

The reason I knew that this was a dream is that there is no Shell station near my office. Hell, there's no gas station (outside of a shaddy looking Oasis Market) within a few blocks.

While this dream had me checking the prices as I drove to work, I have to wonder what's next. Will I be swimming in a pool of liquified poop? Will I find myself placing hog's feet in jars? Will I be smothered under a large, smelly, greasy woman desperate for my afftection?

Only time will tell.

How are you saving money?

We know that America is quickly becoming a third-world country due to a number of things not limited to skyrocketing energy costs which, in turn, increase the costs of everything in sight including groceries, clothes, electronic goods, midget prostitutes, paper and everything else made in China.

The good question (I hope WCCO doesn't sue me for copyright infringement or some sort of intellectual property thing) is how are you saving money in these times where frugality is a necessity?

I, for one, am doing my part to conserve. I am conserving gas by both driving slower on the highways (the actual speed limit) and mowing my lawn less frequently because it isn;'t growing due to the lack of rain. I am also conserving water by wearing my underwear not just once but twice by turning it inside out (think I'm joking?).

So, short of selling an organ or a child, what are you doing for extra cash in these admittedly dire times?

Of course, not all areas are in a dire state necessitating twice-worn undies... MinnPics is a testament to that with the best photos in Minnesota showcased daily.

Oil and poop related?

Have you heard the latest reason about why oil prices have hit a new record?

Apparently some big wig in a building somewhere says that there may be supply shortages if something happens in Iran (think attack, battles, war, etc.).

Apparently a number of conditionary phrases now warrant speculation which has a direct effect on my debit card.

But why is it only oil that is effected by these conditionary statements?

Why not concern about, well, ME?

My stomach is sending my brain messages telling me that I may be headed to the bathroom with some urgency due to the copious amounts of meat I've eaten in the past 24 hours. In other words, if my stomach isn't totally fucking with me, I may have to poop soon but I don't see news stories about my impending need for Charmin.

Proof positive that 1/3 of world comprised of idiots

The above poll shows a number of data sets. Sure, on the outside you only see two bars of results from the poll relating to the single question asking if readers feel gasoline will ever drop below three bucks per gallon again. I, however, don't always take things at face value. I dig deep as is shown all over this crude blog.

Simpletons will say, "Gee, 67% of people say gas prices won't go below $3/gallon again."

I also refer to those 67% as realists. Others would call them pessimists.

Some would say that the other 33% of respondents are optimists thinking that gas prices will indeed dip below $3/gallon. I prefer to think of them as another word -- idiots.

You have to understand where I'm coming from to know how I arrived at the scientifically studied conclusion that 1/3 of Americans (33%=1/3, right?) are then idiots. I see this not only in scientific polls such as this one but in my daily life. Hell, sometimes even I fit into that dreaded 33% idiot pool where the sun sets in the east, down is up and dinosaurs lurk around every corner waiting to steal your chocolate frosty. It's an unpleasant world to live in -- especially if you believe that there's a snowball's chance in hell that gas prices will dip below level not seen since early in 2008.

Hey, I'd rather be totally wrong about this prediction than be right and be able to gloat about being right but either way, I'm in the majority. Are you?

Are we both the problem and solution?

Another day brings another record high oil price. This time it's due to some bullshit "logic" about impending shortages in the supply. The funny thing about that is that unlike when "shortages" existed in the 1970s, there aren't lines at gas stations or gas stations closing because they can't get any petro in the tanks.

Another funny coincidence is the timing for these record high prices. Not just the fact that this is happening mere days before Memorial Day and the unofficial start to the summer driving/vacation season but that prices only began escalating after our military entered and occupied Iraq. I am aware that Iraq's pre-war oil production is fairly insignificant but its loss provided a reason to begin escalating prices. Couple that with rabid development in India and China as well as increasing consumption (until recent months) in America and there's your reasons. Add in the fact that market speculators continue driving up futures prices and you have the magic formula for $4.00/gallon gas within weeks (definitely by July 4th, possible by June 15th).

This comment from here puts things in perspective.

Now is not the time for petty bickering
It is abundantly clear to anyone paying attention - we have to detach our reliance on petroleum and coal, and fast. The reasons are too numerous to even list here. Petroleum and coal served us well in the past, but the party is over. I like the idea mentioned in a previous post about forming a Manhattan Project for alternative energy research. But this will not be easy. The petro and coal industry will fight this tooth and nail. They will lie, spread false information, attack the messenger - and worse - to maintain their massive profits. They are the only ones that stand to lose if we break our dependency on fossil fuels.

It's not the time to view things in the negative. When times are toughest, innovation is where America shines (or used to). In an unstifled environment, anything is possible and many decades ago our country developed both nuclear weapons and space travel. I know that we, as a country, can overcome the current energy predicament and will come out on top. Now is not the time to take a wait-and-see approach. Now, more than ever, is the time to take chances, innovate and develop new ideas and break free from stale ways of thinking. Am I turning over a new leaf? Is it possible for America as a whole?

4 is the new 3

A change is a comin' and I am getting what must be at least a two week jump on it with the image to the right showcasing how I will finally make my fortune. Next time you drop 75 bucks filling up the tank on whatever brand of automobile you drive, take a gander up at the streetside sign telling the price. Take notice of that price and then guess what my varied selection of numbers to the right is for.

As you can see, I have a wide variety of options mocked up and creating the numbers in other colors is easy. Plenty of the places where these numbers would be used have an existing color schme involving either blue or red. And as for the electronic versions of these numbers which you see at many places, I am not worried. Let me just say that I have a solution in mind that involves a bee-bee gun, wire snippers and a bolt cutter.

The only problem is that one of the number 4s I designed seems out of place. Can you spot it?

I hope nobody reading this is an actual mouth breather

The latest round of political shenanigans (I'll refer to it as bullplop from here on) centers around a couple of presidential candidates (I'll call them Hillary Clinton and John McCain) pandering for votes on the basis of a gas tax holiday that will never see the light of day. Of course there are plenty of mouth breathers around who hear the phrase "gas tax holiday" and jump for joy only to tear the crotch of their 1991-vintage Zubaz. Those same mouth breathers think that the amount of gas taxes that would be rolled back for the summer months would equate to financial freedom forever. These people, too, are what I refer to as "stupid". The average amount saved (see story & chart here) by a Minnesotan if this fantasy were to happen is a mere $55! Take note and don't let a hypothetical, vote-pandering $55 "gift" sway your vote.

And in more mind-numbing economic babble, now that the "gift from God" checks are arriving from big brother (A.K.A. borrowing from our future or China) people are writing and asking readers what their plans are for this money from above. The most interesting I stumbled upon was this guy's well thought out approach to not spend the money at all.

The IRS has a schedule posted as to when the masses will get their checks and amazingly, if you have love for direct deposit, you'll be lining your pockets within the month of May.

My thoughts on spending the money are to not spend it on purchases but to save it or invest it. One can never know what the future brings but those who save are at least prepared. Others suggest purchasing Halliburton stock and a pair of Bumper Nutz. And lastly, don't buy in to these myths about the gift from above.

As for me, I'd love to blow this money on a robotic lawnmower just so I can drink a frosty Pabst Blue Ribbon while my mowerbot cuts the grass. Feel free to fantasize, what kind of crazy crap would you do with the BushGift if reality was taking a holiday?

A better Prius is coming

This is of interest to me for two reasons. First off, the Toyota Prius is a great example of how to make a car with exquisite fuel economy coupled with technology no other car maker seems even interested in using. Secondly, Toyota is managing to make the upcoming Prius model bigger, more powerful and with better fuel economy and it's likely going to be the car which replaces my aging Pontiac Grand Prix.

The idea of the exact same Prius that currently gets around 45-50 miles per gallon having more power and even better gas mileage is perplexing to me because current gas-only cars seem to think that it's some grand accomplishment that they can eek out almost 30 miles per gallon. Well, auto makers of the stone-age, only Fred Flintstone would be impressed with that but I, naive fools, am not from Bedrock.

I have to wonder where the former great American innovation has gone. Where are the dreamers who sent our astronauts to the moon? How soon before Toyota pushes the 100 mpg barrier? How long before they come up with viable and affordable technology that is gas-free? Why do the "big 3" automakers seemingly refuse to try anything new and are they firmly in the pockets of big oil? Come on, anything's possible.