Mark Sanchez sexes up 17 year-old?

I fail to understand how it's news that a young NFL quarterback (Mark Sanchez of the New York Jets) who is a good looking kind of guy ended up bedding an attractive, albeit illegal young lady on or around New Year's Eve.

That, though, is exactly the kind of scandal that keeps a site like Deadspin in the news. They, somehow, break what turns out to be rather scandalous sports scandals and the very fact that the nearly 25 year-old Mark Sanchez ended up taking a 17 year-old Eliza Kruger (notice her breaking a law herself by smoking a cigarette in this photo from her Facebook page) back to his home on a golf course in Jersey and throwing for a between-the-sheets touchdown with his jailbait piece of ass for the evening.

But back to why this is news. Athletes are notorious, no matter how clean-cut they appear, for being shady. The athletic landscape is full of scandals -- plenty of which have surfaced recently. Tiger Woods liked himself some porn stars, hookers and generally just liked having sex -- with anyone but his wife. Michael Jordan is alleged to have gambled on NBA games which is supposedly why he retired for just over one NBA season to try his hand at playing baseball. Half of the players in Major League Baseball have allegedly used some sort of steroids. Ben Roethlisberger was suspended for a portion of the NFL season for sexual assualt and we all know that it was actually rape. And who could forget our very own (for two years) Brett Favre who apparently likes texting photos of his good ole' Mississippi dong to former New York Jets massage therapists. So is anyone shocked that a guy who is famous, flush with cash and living a bachelor's life in the greater New York City area would have women, or in this case 17 year-old socialites, throwing themselves at him?

I know I'm not and I doubt that this story breaking nationally will do anything to truly change Sanchez's behavior nor will it do anything to the parents of Eliza Kruger who let their 17 year-old daughter smoke cigarettes and hang out in a club where she'd then be able to nail a professional athlete.

I don't know whose side to take in this story and I'm not sure that either party is anywhere close to innocent. In fact I'm pretty sure both of them is guilty but this will do nothing to tarnish Mark Sanchez's image and I'm sure it will do nothing to change the behavior of Eliza Kruger because something tells me that this isn't the first time either has done something or considered doing something along these lines.

My hairstylist could do without prom

As I was getting my hair did yesterday, the conversation turned to prom season. It's just around the corner and it signals Spring and the approach of Summer. It also means one terror-filled day for hairdressers everywhere.

Her main gripe was with the snippy little bitches who tear a page out of a magazine of a dolled up teen starlet and demand that very same hairstyle. All for 50 bucks. I can relate because I have clients demand a certain look and based on what I'm being paid, they get what I give them. It's a lot like a counterfeit Rolex. It's close but anyone who sees it knows that it's just not the same.

From hairstyles and the bitchy girls who demand that this curl go the opposite direction, we moved towards the excesses of the modern prom. From stretch limos to dresses that A.) cost what my wife's wedding dress did to B.) the skanky, too-short dresses girls wear to formal dances.

Now before you call me a codger or an angry old coot, I'm only 30 years old but just twelve or fourteen years ago when I went to my junior and senior prom, the girls weren't wearing ultra-short, hey, look at my panties-type dresses (and that's if the girls today are even bothering to wear underthings...) or at least my dates weren't.

So what has changed? Has fifteen or so years seen changes so drastic that I should just give up and admit that I am hopelessly disconnected from all things younger? And since when does prom have to be the teenage equivalent of a wedding? I know one thing, my daughter's going to pay her own way if she sees the need for a stretch limo, hundred dollar hairdo and a barely-there dress because the one difference between a wedding and prom is that very few couples have sex in the back seat of their parents' car on their wedding night. The same can not be said for prom night.

Check out MinnPics if you give a damn about the rising river levels across all part sof Minnesota. New photos just posted...

Who is your teen grinding on at school dances???

We've all been to high school dances. For me it was prom in both my junior and senior years. That was the extent of it. The lights were low, the theme sucked and so did the setting - my high school's 80-plus year-old basketball gym. One year I stuck around with my date through the dance and even the post-prom lock-in and we actually had fun. The other year found my date and I having differences and we went our separate ways which lead to us not speaking for nearly a year but we smoothed things over and are damn good friends now. But maybe things could have been different with that last part of the story. Maybe things could have been different if the music was heavier. Maybe if the music had more of a dance beat with some more rhythmic undertones to it there would have been some grinding going on. But let's get real, that was 1996 and I don't remember any suggestive or sexual dancing going on.

Oh, how things have changed in a little more than a decade as witnessed by this video done before Minnetonka High School's 1996 Homecoming dance.



But the dance moves described there make current teen dance trends seem like something from the 1950s. Especially based on this story from the Milwaukee area.

What actually piques my interest are the rules...

• When dancing back to front, all dancers must remain upright -- no sexual bending is allowed. Examples are, no hands on knees, and no hands on the dance floor with your buttocks touching your dance partner.

• There will be no touching of the breasts, buttocks, or genitals.

• There will be no straddling of each others' legs.

• Boys must wear collared shirts and dress pants.

• Girls cannot have dresses that expose cleavage, extend above the mid-thigh, (or) have slits extending above mid-thigh.

I particularly like the phrase "sexual bending". I can guess what it as after being at a few gentlemen's clubs but how is that incorporated in to any sort of dancing that you'd want to do at a high school dance. That's the kind of shit that goes on at a rockin' house party where everyone is drinking and making worse decisions than they usually do.

But what's my stance on "sexual bending" in dancing? Go for it. High school should be fun and "sexual bending" sure beats flat out sex. Remember when you were 16 years old? You were probably a huge ball of hormones pretty much ready to jump on anyone that moves so if "sexual bending" during a dance takes the edge off those hormones then that's a good thing. It's definitely better than a bunch of horned up teenagers who are too embarrassed to buy a box of condoms finding a dark road to occupy their time because they can't dance the way they want to at their own high school.

Sure, my opinion is likely to change in about 15 years when my girl reaches that age but wait until then to call me a hypocrite.

Until then, bide your time by checking out the photos of Minnesota on a daily basis at MinnPics.

I've become a teenaged girl

No, I didn't catch the premiere of the newest "Twilight" movie but I have mocked a few people I know who did wait in lines to see it. I just don't understand that movie and I am fairly certain that I never will.

My teenage girl complex lies with the music which has been catching my ears lately. I am ashamed to admit it but at thirty years old I have developed the musical tastes of a twelve year-old girl. I turn the radio up (if it's on) when I'm in the car and "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus comes on. I silence the wife when I catch "Bad Romance" by Lady Gaga and I even went as far as YouTubing this recent song by Ke$ha (and yes, it's a totally stupid name).



The title even reads like it was written by a twelve year-old in txt spk. "Tik Tok". Really. What the hell has happened to me? I've even put one of the aforementioned songs on my iPod and if any of my friends were to get their hands on my iPod I'd never hear the end of it.

But that's where it stops for now. I haven't taken to taping (yes, I live in the stoneage without a DVR) anything on MTV. I didn't even know that the American Music Awards were on TV last night as I was watching "Storm Chasers" on Discovery and I don't understand that appeal of most of the shows on The CW. So does this mean that I have to turn in my man card or can I write this off as some sort of early midlife crisis?

Even with so much internal conflict, MinnPics still has the same quality photos of Minnesota that you've come to expect since mid-2008.

Teens & oral sex

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Nursing home abuse and the dad who defends it

Maybe you haven't heard about the Albert Lea, Minnesota female high school students, Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson, who abused residents of the Good Samaritan nursing home in the city but after reading the police report (which follows below) the punishment doesn't seem proper. If my math is correct, the girls have 10(?) charges pending against them with total possible fines amounting to 10 years in jail or $28,000 in fines. We all know how the legal system works so they'll get a fine amounting to too small of a percentage of that to truly teach these "bored and frustrated" girls any sort of lesson. What they'll receive is no more than a slap on the wrist.

The public humiliation, though, of having your names smeared across the internet does amount to something but that comes with the territory of being in the news. These two girls continue to add to the never-ending shame and disappointment that seems to resonate from my old stomping grounds. I'm well aware that cases like this happen all too often and only serve to make nursing homes more depressing than they already are. I shudder to think what the future holds for these girls because even with something like this on your record, they'll still go on to the adult world in some way, shape or form. And before someone says (well, parenting "guru" Maranne Law already did) "Well, it's just kids being kids" I'd like that person thinking that statement to flash back to their teen years and remember if they ever did anything even remotely as dispicable as abusing virtually helpless and frail senior citizens.

And then there's the dad of one of the teens standing up on the "Today Show" defending his daughter in saying that it's just the media blowing the case far out of proportion and that many of the charges are exaggerated. Maybe if you had paid attention to your daughter's actions and the actions of her friends and talked to her from time to time to see what is really going on in her life she wouldn't be the subject of national scrutiny. Face the facts, Michael Larson, you dropped the parenting ball on this play. While a parent usually tends to stand behind their child, this is a time to do so while admitting fault because this seems pretty clear to me. The abuse happened and plenty of other teens working at the Albert Lea Good Samaritan home let the abuse happen and participated in it.


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After receiving an initial notice of suspected abuse of elderly resident vulnerable adults suffering from Alzheimer's disease and/or dementia at the Good Samaritan Society nursing home located in Freeborn County Minnesota, on May 1, 2008, and as part of the investigation involving those allegations, Detective Debra Flatness of the Albert Lea Police Department with assistance from Deputy Robert Kindler of the Freeborn County Sheriff's Department conducted an investigation. Present during some the investigation interviews conducted by Detective Flatness were employees of Good Samaritan Society and Jolene Bertelsen, RN, Special Investigator for the Minnesota Department of Health who conducted a separate civil investigation for the Office of Health Facility Complaints.

Based upon the initial information received, the investigation focused on a group of young part-time nursing assistants some of who were directly involved in the abuse and some who knew or observed the abuse, but had failed to report the abuse. The group included: Brianna M. Broitzman, dob: 06/2/1989; Ashton M Larson, dob: 01/14/1990; AMH, dob: 08/01/1990; KNN, dob: 05/18/1990; SLS, dob: 05/05/1991; RMM, dob: 08/31/1990; JMS, dob: 05/18/1990; and MRW, dob: 08/17/1990.

On May 6, 2008, Brianna Broitzman, was invited to come the the Law Enforcement Center in the City Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota, to be interviewed by Detective Flatness of the Albert Lea Police Department and Deputy Robert Kindler of the Freeborn County Sheriff's Office about suspected abuse of vulnerable adults occurring at the Good Samaritan nursing home. Brianna Broitzman was advised that her coming to the Law Enforcement Center was voluntary and that she was free to leave at any time.

In May 2008, Brianna Broitzman stated that she was told by Ashton Larson that she had spit water on resident GR at the Good Samaritan Center, Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota. Brianna Broitzman admitted that she and Ashton Larson poked SW in breasts. Brianna Broitzman stated that numerous videos and pictures were taken of residents between the dates of January and April 2008. Brianna Broitzman stated there was a picture of a large bowel movement in a commode on AMH's phone. Brianna Broitzman stated that she saw a video of M.K. singing a song in March 2008 and stated she was with AMH and KNN.

During the ongoing investigation and based upon interviews with other Nursing assistants Detective Flatness obtained additional information and personal observations of Brianna Broitzman's activities and behavior with residents at Good Samaritan Nursing home between January 1, 2008 and May 1, 2008. The persons interviewed stated that "they" began talking among themselves about what they were doing in the nursing home after January 1, 2008. The statements included the following: RMM stated she was friends with Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman, KNN, AMH, and JMS. RMM stated they would get together on breaks and at school and talk about their experiences while working at Good Samaritan nursing home. RMM stated the girls would talk and laugh about incidents with the residents. RMM stated that the girls who would tell stories were Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman and AMH.

RMM advised that one night between the date January 1, 2008, and May 1, 2008, while she and Brianna Broitzman were putting E.F. to bed Brianna Broitzman stated, "Watch this". She then spit into the resident's mouth. RMM stated that Brianna Broitzman had a cavalier attitude about the residents. RMM stated that Brianna Broitzman said that she would poke residents in the breasts. RMM stated that this was done for fun and not to cause pain. JMS stated that Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson told her about spanking resident C.K.

JMS was told that he would laugh and the girls would keep doing it. They would play with his cane, ride it like a horse, and spank C.K. on the buttocks with it and Ashton Larson admitted that she patted C.K.'s buttocks. JMS stated that the girls would say stuff behind the residents' back and put their glasses on and dance around. She stated girls were just having fun because they were frustrated.

AMH stated that "the girls" started talking about the incidents she realized was abuse around February 2008. AMH advised that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman told her about things they did to residents and that she recalled that KNN was present during the conversations. AMH stated the "girls" were pretty comfortable talking among themselves, but did not talk with others. AMH stated that the abusive activity was confined to certain residents. AMH stated that she had witnessed Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman poking a female resident's breasts. AMH stated that Ashton Larson would rub vigorously on residents' peri-areas (genital areas) to sexually arouse them. She recall that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman talked about doing these types of things to residents on four to five occasions with the "girls". AMH stated that she was told by Brianna Broitzman that Ashton Larson inserted her finger into a resident's rectum. Ashton Larson was present during this conversation and did not deny it. AMH stated that Brianna Broitzman put her bare butt in S.W.'s face.

SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke residents in breasts and genitals and laugh. SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke J.J. in breast, tap her on the forehead, and put her fingers in her mouth until she would scream. She stated that she witnessed Brianna Broitzman hit resident RM in the genitals so he would scream in March or April of 2008. SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would put her gloved hands in the resident's nose and mouth to make them scream because she thought it was funny.

MRW stated that the girls started talking about the incidents with residents at AMH's house and later in the car. MRW stated the girls talked on seven to twelve occasions. MRW stated that they openly discussed things among themselves. She stated the girls were confident they would not get caught because, "residents did not have their minds". MRW was told by Brianna Broitzman that she "hocked a loogie in her throat and spit it into E.F.'s mouth without holding E.F.'s mouth open".

J.S. stated that she heard that Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson spit into a resident's mouth because they were upset that the resident was drooling all over. MRW stated that she was told by Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson that while Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman were providing Resident SW's care, Resident SW got angry so they hit her boob. MRW stated that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman poked Resident SW in the breast to get her mad. She stated that Resident SW told them to stop but the girls would just laugh.

MRW stated that Brianna Broitzman, AMH, and KNN stated that they would touch resident KH to make him mad. MRW stated that she was told that resident KH was touched or rubbed by Brianna Broitzman and as a result KH became "hard." MRW stated they were just trying to get a rise out of him, as in sexual teasing.

RW stated that the Nursing Assistants Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman, AMH, and KNN would try to make the residents more confused.

MRW then stated the girls would laugh. They did this type of thing as a joke, as something fun to do at work.

KNN stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke residents in the breasts and laugh when they got mad. Stated she believed the resident was OS. KNN stated that she was in the car driving back from Mankato, Minnesota, when Brianna Broitzman was telling the above story.

MRW stated that when the girls, Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson talked about doing cares on residents with Alzheimer's or dementia that they would hit the residents on the breasts or genitals or rub on the breasts or genitals to make the residents mad. MRW stated that resident KH was abused by Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson. MRW advised that they would touch is peri-area or privates to make him mad. KH would get an erection.

In an interview with Detective Flatness Aston Larson acknowledged that she knew that between the date January 1, 2008, and May 1, 2008, Brianna Broitzman had spit into resident EF's mouth at Good Samaritan Nursing Care Facility, Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota. Ashton Larson also admitted in the interview that that she spit water on resident GR. Ashton Larson also admitted she lay in bed with J.J. who was laying on her back and "I might have done the motion (humping), but she was no where near me". Ashton Larson admitted that AMH and Brianna Broitzman "might" have been with her.

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In cheerier southern Minnesota news, the recently-taped Extreme Makeover: Home Edition episode from the Albert Lea area airs this Sunday and MinnPics, of course, has a photo of the action coming up later today.

Not all teens are self-absorbed

I had stumbled upon it a few weeks ago and was pleasantly surprised that a teen in high school in what has been portrayed as suburbs apparently devoid of commons sense could have such a coherent and grounded outlook on the happenings in her respective corner of the universe.

The teen from Prior Lake (I assume) has only penned a few entries to her blog on the town's newspaper website but the one that struck a chord with me was regarding a bomb threat at the high school. The fact that she wasn't jarred by it wouldn't have played well on the 6 o'clock news where stories like that automatically cue to footage of teenage girls hugging in a circle and crying because certain TV news outlets in the Twin Cities rely, no, thrive on stories and the corresponding imagery.

This girl known only as Stephanie has a grounded outlook on happenings that relate to her. Being almost calm about a bomb threat is impressive given the amount of fear that is broadcast to us on a daily basis. Watch some televised news and you'll hear about tainted food that will surely kill you or at least cause your skin to fall from your bones and you'll quickly find out that every toy made in the last 20 years will cause you to be poisoned with large amounts of lead because it's China's perogative to wipe the great Satan that is America from the face of Mother Earth.

This one teen writing a handful of blog entries is proof enough for me that maybe we're not doomed after all. Maybe there will be some people in the future that have some common sense. And this, too, proves teens can participate in online conversations and social networking-type sites without being complete jackasses like those in Woodbury and Eden Prairie who share their drunken cavorting with the entire world.