Things that are grinding my gears

The stress of many years has finally gotten to me. As I dealt with slow traffic and an ultra-shitty commute due to flooding I received a barely decipherable call from my old lady. All I could hear was her bawling and the child screaming. I can't make traffic move any faster, I barely slept last night due to my old lady being sick and me being home wasn't going to happen any time soon.

Then, as I pulled in to my driveway, I heard the telltale low growl signaling that my rear brakes had finally met their maker. It was the frothy shit icing on my shit cake week.

But my sister-in-law, with three young kids of her own, called me too during my commute from hell and knew what was going on and graciously offered to pick up my kid and take her for a bit so we could regain our composure.

So, in the end, there was someone there ready and willing to help. She said that she owes us for all the times we've helped her. Maybe Minnesota nice, even after all those times I've claimed it was a huge lie does exist. Maybe it comes out during the truly worst of times. And maybe, just maybe, things will slowly fall back in to place with my work, my commute, my old lady's job and her commute and everything will begin to balance out once again.

Until then, MinnPics is a calm and compelling respite from the stress of the day. Check out the stunning photos of Minnesota and tell a friend about the site too!

Drama, Dancing with the Stars and Twitter

The American workplace is a clusterfuck. There, I said it. Over the years it moved from casual conversations about last night's episode of Knot's Landing around the water cooler to people endlessly shopping on ebay. Then it moved on to people dicking around on their MySpace page (which is now officially the Detroit of the internet). Those same people have now all moved to Facebook where they post results to mind-numbingly stupid quizzes about what kind of fruit they are and are always buying me a drink. Sorry bub, but I can't drink my 24 inch Dell LCD monitor.

The cool kids drop tweets all day long. You can tell the ones who spend too much time tweeting because their Twitter page consists of updates about what they are eating, have eaten or plan to eat. If you're gonna tweet, make it something at least mildly interesting or so strange that I'm compelled to know more. (My latest Facebook status update stated that I "feel like a cowboy" - I'll let you figure that one out.) My Twitter account is for business but even that is kept at least moderately interesting (my grandma, if she was still around, would probably be sobbing into her Pringles can of knitting needles with Reader's Digest filing chapter 11 today).

It's all good in moderation. I can even tolerate discussions about the performances on last night's Dancing with the Stars (that's a hot topic - I can't wait to see Kelly Osbourne's pasty skin shoved into a dancing outfit). But my biggest pet peeve is drama. Especially if it interferes with your job and, in turn, fucks up mine. Keep that shit at home and I don't care if I put my foot down and, in a roundabout way, make you feel bad for dropping the ball - especially when you straight-up say "I have a lot of drama in my life right now, not that you care". Bingo. I don't care. We are at work, not your latest counseling session. Now get off the phone with me and go make me some money. Daddy needs a new entertainment center.

MinnPics is far more controlled and free of celebrity gossip, rants and drama. Check out the killer pics!

Hot scoop: the Jon and Kate plus 8 announcement

For an entire week, cable channel TLC has kept tens of millions of Americans on the edge of their collective seats by constantly airing this teaser about tonight's Jon and Kate Plus Eight announcement:



What could it be? They've made decisions to bring peace to their lives. But what are those decisions?

We all know that the real decision is that Jon Gosselin finally grew some balls and decided to divorce his gold-digging, child-exploiting wife in favor of a twenty-something teacher. Well, actually Kate decided to divorce him because she is the one who makes every decision in this off-kilter family but it was fun to speculate that Jon decided on the divorce.

Even more fun is to speculate on some far-flung ideas about what this huge announcement and decision could be. Maybe Kate Gosselin has decided to join the church of Scientology. Maybe she has opted for sexual reassignment surgery because after being the one with the theoretical balls in the relationship, she wanted some actual balls. Or maybe Kate has decided that Jon is going to get neutered - he already is to a certain degree but she wants to make it official. Or maybe, and this is a huge maybe, Kate Gosselin has decided to announce that she is a robot from the planet Bitch.

On a cheerier note, check out MinnPics. It's a photo project of sorts chronicling all things Minnesota.

Kate Gosselin in a bikini!

Why is this in the top news searches on Google? Kate Gosselin in a bikini. So. What.

Wow. America is officially completely fucked when we care this much about an essentially single mom on vacation with her brood of medical miracle kids. We get it, you guys have your own show on TLC - a cable channel which should have its letters repossessed because when, in the last decade, has anyone gleaned one damn shred of intelligence and learning from this channel? Why not call it TMLC - The Manufactured Life Channel because it has become - with the help of the Gosselin family and their brood of whiny misfits - an 18/5 freakshow with every freakishly gargantuan family having their own show. There's the Duggards (sp?) and their cult-sized family of 18 kids and then Table for 12 whose family could field an entire baseball team - but none of them would be anything without the odd success of a woman who is today famous because her marriage is a total trainwreck and she wore a bikini - to the BEACH. Wow. Scandalous. And she isn't exactly smokin' hot in her bikini but if I was asked by her if I wanted to hit that , I'd probably say yes (with low lighting being a prerequisite) and quietly slip out the door before the inevitable crazy came out to say good morning in its own crazy way.

The Gosselins won't go away

Are Jon and Kate Gosselin (of TLC's Jon & Kate Plus Eight) getting divorced? Are they together? Or is this whole circus surrounding them a huge, elaborate, sprawling promotional stunt?

The timing of Jon Gosselin's supposed cheating surfacing is rather convenient. The rather forced drama surrounding the premiere episode (last night) seemed to be beyond contrived. All of the controversy surrounding the family of 10 seems a bit too convenient to me. I don't know about the few people reading this but I am sick of seeing them. That damn Gosselin family is everywhere. They are plastered across the Discovery Television Channels on cable, salacious headlines regarding Kate's past, her attitude, her behavior, Jon's behavior, his past, their tumultuous marriage, separation and now their supposed divorce are on the cover of every celebrity-obsessed waste of paper at every damn checkout stand in America. They need to go away. But they won't.

The Gosselin family is a product of their own making. A mom who saw a way to fund her life, sold the soul of her children to a television channel and is at their mercy and she loves it. Oh, so what if it ruins the lives of everyone who is a part of it outside of her? I find her over-the-top behavior nauseating and if the whole thing is a publicity stunt coordinated by some faceless person behind tshe show, kudos to them for basically bringing the entire country to a screeching halt over the aupposed antics of a couple of non-celebrities from Pissant-Nowhere, Pennsylvania and actually making casual fans of the show turn in to rabid, frothing jackals who are starting flame wars and opposing blogs online.

If TLC pulled the plug on this show tomorrow, America would forget about the fmae whore known as Kate Gosselin and they'd all slip in to obscurity by summer's end - and I'd be happier for it happening. They are a product of manufactured fame and with the youngest six kids going off to school in the fall (they turned five in last night's premiere) that fame is about to end. Hopefully TLC has someone with half of a brain running things and realizes that filming a show that revolves around the fabulous and exciting adventures of a brood of pre-schoolers will lose something when they have homework to do and begin to become actual people who are less and less influenced by their power-hungry mommy.

They are essentially singing their swan song for the next couple months and if a divorce is actually in the works for Jon and Kate Gosselin, her desire for more fame will ultimately be their own undoing.

MinnPics isn't about fame and glory. It's about quality photographs from across Minnesota. Click and see what's new today.

All about Kate Gosselin's fake blog

It's a well-kept secret that I write both a celebrity gossip blog and a TV blog for my employer so it's often hard to truly express myself within the language limitations placed on me. That's why I've become increasingly random here but the one thing I am intensely focused on is Jon & Kate Plus Eight on TLC. That show is truly shit. Kate Gosselin basically has neutered her husband and if he is tip-toeing through the tulips with another woman, kudos to him because the dude's wife if a self-centered, celebrity-obsessed bitch who only cares about her appearance and sees her kids (but only the youngest six) as dollar signs. If you want to see how truly crazy it is that this family has a television show because - gasp - they're a unique family - check out "Kate Gosselin's" blog at TLC.com for two reasons. First off, I sincerely doubt that she actually sits down at a computer and types that drivel that seems to be written by one of the show's pee-ons or a fifth grader with a severe learning disability. The second reason is that I've begun commenting there (under the obvious name "Sornie") to see how many comments of mine the producers will actually post as I get increasingly over-the-top in my congratulating of this God-like woman.

There's actually a third reason too. They moderate the fuck out of the comments. So much so that an unfettered blog, Gosselins Without Pity, has popped up so people can freely voice themselves over the fake TLC blog posts where only positivity is allowed in the comments.

But back to the shrew known as Kate Gosselin. It's widely known (now) that she began plotting and scheming on how to turn a buck after she insisted on fertility treatments for her second pregnancy. She saw, from day one, sextuplets as tiny cash machines. Dress them all alike and the money will pour in. And thanks to our braindead society willing to gobble up even the lowest shit, because it's neatly packaged, she has won. But I think the relative collapse over the past month of her perfect little fairytale life of having a bunch of nannies, nurses, aides and staff around to essentially raise your little troop of hellions will finally bring to an end her reign of terror. Maybe this will be the end of America making somebody out of nobody. Maybe it's finally the damn end of the bullshit we, as a society, gobble up because we're too fucking lazy to read a book, magazine, listen to some music, go for a walk or watch PBS (which had a killer two hour Nova on Tuesday night about Evolution vs. "Intelligent Design") because all we want to do after our mundane jobs is to shut our brains off.

Well, I can dream.

If you want to stimulate your brain, check out the photos at MinnPics.

The stupidity of beauty pageants

Is she really as stupid as she seemed? Does Miss California give beauty pageants (yes, Miss USA is a beauty, not scholarship, pageant) a bad name. Does she give the USA a bad name as she could have been the U.S. representative in the pageant nobody watches - the Miss Universe pageant.

It's for reasons like this that I hate pageants. These women/girls/brain-dead bimbos lack basic conversational skills that will eventually lead them down a road to acting in b-movies or cheap porn. And on that note, who the hell buys porn any more? Isn't that why the internet was invented? Communicating and sharing knowledge was just sort of an accident.

Oh well, at least the whole topic of gay marriage has given Perez Hilton a second fifteen minutes of undeserved fame.

Wow, it's snowing in MInnesota, everyone panic

Why in the holy hell do Minnesotans rustle themselves up into shear panic when snow starts magically falling from the sky. You'd swear that God himself were shitting cement blocks on us and that hunkering down in the basement was your only safe course of action. Alas, it's just snow.

But then there's the media, as MPR's Bob Collins pointed out, whipping everyone - not just in Minnesota but in the entire country - in to a frenzy. It's a bit of a mystery why The Weather Channel would have a live reporter in St. Paul chronicling what he must view as the end of the world but to the rest of the country let me just say that it is February and this is Minnesota. The temperature is below freezing once again and liquid precipitation turns to a solid state when that happens and the result is SNOW.

Now snow in Minnesota is a rather rare occurence. We only receive 4-5 feet of snow during an average winter. It sucks to clear from driveways, sidewalks, streets, road and even roofs but we're used to it because, well, we get 4-5 feet of snow each year.

Never, though, will I figure out why a typical late-winter snow storm in Minnesota packing - gasp - snow coupled with wind would warrant wall to wall news coverage.

One thing is sure, if I lose sight of the pine tree three feet outside my office window we're all screwed but until then I think we'll be safe. Slow down when driving because it's better to arrive a little bit late than a little bit dead.

Will MinnPics showcase the aftermath of The Storm? You'll just have to check it out to be sure.

How to I.Q. profile retail employees

This entry, from last summer, ties in nicely with yesterday's Walmart rant. I recommend reading it and elaborating about how you shop...

Forgive me, but I was at the local Wal-Mart late yesterday afternoon. Yes, after years of vowing that I wouldn't become a Wal-Mart shopper, I have done just that because the grocery selection in Shakopee sucks. Ever since losing our Rainbow Foods Fresh Store, the only alternative is Cub which contrary to popular belief isn't actually cheap but only presents itself as such.

So, there I was, after 20 minutes of barreling through aisles crowded with the bottom rung of society I had found my way to the checkouts. Yes, it only took me twenty minutes to shop because I actually know what I need when I go grocery shopping unlike these indecisive types who also failed their class in Shopping Cart Etiquette 101 (hug the shelves with your cart and keep moving, fuckers).

The checkouts at Wal-Mart are an adventure. There is always at least one of the Shakopee store's eight express lanes open but these are reserved for folks with less than twenty items. Never mind the fact that the 15 or so people waiting might have a collective I.Q. of 12 based on their overflowing shopping carts containing hundreds of items each.

Another popular choice is the long lines at the self-checkouts. These are not even an option for me because the people ahead of me in the queue line can never manage to successfully scan and bag two items in succession, much less their entire cart-o-crap and then there's the whole matter of a paycheck. They don't pay me to scan and bag my own crap so it's a no go Wally.

That leaves me with the standard checkouts. I believe that the Shakopee Super Wal-Mart is home to no less than 36 checkouts. At peak times, such as 5:10 PM on a Wednesday afternoon, six of them can be found open. Of course this 1:6 ratio isn't entirely pathetic. It could be a 1:12 ratio. The big problem here is that these shoppers, as inbred as the outwardly appear, know how to fan out. They migrate to the "hard goods" side of the checkouts with their carts full of ice cream and juice boxes and stack up eight people deep.

That leaves me scoping out the situation. This is where my patented "checkout employee I.Q. profiling method" is trotted out.

If said checker is sloppily dressed, I pass. If said checker breathing heavily, wedged precariously in the checker cubicle and can be smelled from a distance of ten-plus yards, I pass. What I truly seek out is that one checker who is a fucking machine. The person who is faster than the electronic beeps coming from their register.

Even entering a longer line here will net you a shorter wait time. If Sally the SUV driving Soccer Mom has four screaming children in tow and a cart full of everything from Golden Delicious Apples to zip-up diapers, you still stand to win.

And win I did. This girl running her checkout with the utmost precision and speed rocketed through my purchases. She dragged things across the scanner with fluid precision and bagged them effortlessly. She conversed with me, asked about my day, mentioned her child and husband and I think she even told me her blood type. This girl was good.

Sadly, this interaction at the checkout stand was the high point of my day to that point. And it was at Wal-Mart to boot. I feel dirty having confessed this experience. I still loathe the local shopping 'scene' but has Wal-Mart stepped up their game?

Speaking of stepping up the game, check out the ever-increasing quality of photos from across Minnesota at MinnPics.

New logos that annoy me

I've designed plenty of logos that I flat out will not claim as my work. I've been practically sickened by the amount of changes some customers want and angered by how poorly thought out the changes they demanded were. On the other hand, I've done work that was just crap from the get go.

I have to wonder which bucket this newest pair of abominations from PepsiCo falls in to.

Since its launch, Sierra Mist has been straight up shit. For some reason, Pepsi thought they needed a clear, citrusy soda. Well, at least they got the clear part down but the citrus side of things is strangely missing. The first time I had a drink of Sierra Mist, soon after its debut, I thought someone had slipped me a glass of carbonated toilet water. In fact, carbonated toilet water would have been an improvement. This shit lacks any citrusy undertones, overtones, dulcet tones or dial tones.

Then came their new logo.

Apparently Sierra Mist causes blurred vision. A logo is supposed to convey an image of the brand but the only image of the Sierra Mist brand I see is that you'd only drink it if you couldn't see straight. Fail.

Next up is the flagship brand from PepsiCo, Pepsi.

They have this annoying habit of totally reinventing their branding every three years and each time they do so, it looks totally trendy and in tune with the times but the old logos look terribly dated. They each fail to stand the test of time. Not to mention that their brand of cola tastes overly molasses-y and downright sludgy. The newest logo will last about three years before being reinvented, for the princely price of a few million bucks, and traded for a new uber-trendy logo. The Pepsi brand seems almost afraid of becoming iconic and would rather be trendy for a few months every few years. That's what happens when you're playing second fiddle in the cola wars.

The last logo is Butterfinger.

I don't pay lot of attention to the logos of candy bars because I'm out of the candy bar demographic. I don't have the luxury of slipping a few dozen candy bars into mom's grocery cart while waiting in the checkout line at Hy-Vee. Hell, there aren't even any Hy-Vee stores around here. However, I did drop a whopping forty cents on a Butterfinger this past weekend and became flustered when I got back to the car and opened my crispety, crunchety treat.

That fucking candy bar had not one but two logos on it. See...

Why does Nestle, who seems to own about half of the food world, feel the need to plaster their corporate logo on everything they produce? I don't care if Bin Laden Confectionary Company makes Butterfingers. If something tastes good, I'll eat it. A corporate logo on the wrapper won't sway me. In fact, it's been known to make me consider an alternative. And before you think that Nestle is alone in this, Kraft seems to be an even greater offender in this arena. The plaster their logo on every damned thing in grocery stores. It's not a carefully integrated logo, it's exactly the opposite. It's blatantly front and center and it doesn't need to be. Nestle and Kraft, I'm watching you.

If you're looking for something happy and calming, not to mention artistic, check out MinnPics. It's brimming with the greatest photos taken in Minnesota of Minnesota.

Is McDonald's catering to the stupids?

Here is a fairly decent analysis of McDonald's McCafe commercials. You know them, the guys discussing how they are only wearing glasses to be smart and the one still airing with women admitting that they like watching reality TV and one not knowing where the fuck Paraguay is (hint: it's next to Uruguay).

Watch them. I'll wait.





Done? Good.

Alright.

To the casual observer, they seem fairly straight-forward. Drink our fancy coffee because we cater to the everyday American with our everyday prices. Then watch them, particularly the one with the women, and it does start to become overtly offensive. And not just to women.

Apparently, McDonald's wants to further the stereotype that being smart is a bad thing and that being dumb as a fencepost is very American. On the other hand, being smart doesn't mean that you have to listen to jazz and give up wearing heels. Fuck you McDonald's, your food makes my clothes stink and makes my car smell like a garbage can. Factor in that I don't even like coffee and that you have made America a bunch of sloppy fatties and you single-handedly belong inside every damn Wal-Mart store in this crumbling country.

Merry Christmas and enjoy your McDonald's gift cards!

Oh good, Jay Leno moving earlier

Beginning in Autumn of 2009, NBC will effectively axe its 10 PM (9 PM central) programming in favor of... wait for it... Jay Leno.

I was practically giddy when I heard that Conan O'Brien was taking over The Tonight Show. That meant that Jay Leno would finally be gone from TV and maybe NBC would forge ahead and become great again. Then this happens. They shutter an entire hour of scripted programming five nights per week. Fucking brilliant.

While slashing an hour of scripted programming, we could be treated to more original episodes and few to no repeats. While that dream is great, it won't likely happen because this is a cost-cutting measure for NBC and thinking that they'll run fresh episodes for 9 months per year for their remaining two hours of primetime programming is insane.

This move will either prove how few people want another hour of talk on TV or sink NBC even further in the ratings. Oh, wait, both of those scenarios are basically the same. This will sink the rusty ship that is NBC and when it fails they'll send Leno packing midway through the 2009-10 season and he'll be virtually unemployable because he tanked in primetime. So, NBC ruins Leno's career and tanks their own network all to avoid having - gasp - competition in late night.

After all of that plays out and NBC cancels three or four hours of its scripted series schedule, they'll have years of rebuilding to do and could even risk affiliates dropping NBC because that one hour Leno blunder tanked their late local newscast.

Damn you NBC, you used to be great now you are just cheap. Hooray for playing it safer than safe. Remember that when times are bad, there is the most to be gained. Apparently NBC doesn't care to be competitive, creative or take risks.

MinnPics is the last bastion of hope and happiness in this topsy-turvy world. Check out the greatness and warm feelings that these photos generate.

Nursing home abuse and the dad who defends it

Maybe you haven't heard about the Albert Lea, Minnesota female high school students, Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson, who abused residents of the Good Samaritan nursing home in the city but after reading the police report (which follows below) the punishment doesn't seem proper. If my math is correct, the girls have 10(?) charges pending against them with total possible fines amounting to 10 years in jail or $28,000 in fines. We all know how the legal system works so they'll get a fine amounting to too small of a percentage of that to truly teach these "bored and frustrated" girls any sort of lesson. What they'll receive is no more than a slap on the wrist.

The public humiliation, though, of having your names smeared across the internet does amount to something but that comes with the territory of being in the news. These two girls continue to add to the never-ending shame and disappointment that seems to resonate from my old stomping grounds. I'm well aware that cases like this happen all too often and only serve to make nursing homes more depressing than they already are. I shudder to think what the future holds for these girls because even with something like this on your record, they'll still go on to the adult world in some way, shape or form. And before someone says (well, parenting "guru" Maranne Law already did) "Well, it's just kids being kids" I'd like that person thinking that statement to flash back to their teen years and remember if they ever did anything even remotely as dispicable as abusing virtually helpless and frail senior citizens.

And then there's the dad of one of the teens standing up on the "Today Show" defending his daughter in saying that it's just the media blowing the case far out of proportion and that many of the charges are exaggerated. Maybe if you had paid attention to your daughter's actions and the actions of her friends and talked to her from time to time to see what is really going on in her life she wouldn't be the subject of national scrutiny. Face the facts, Michael Larson, you dropped the parenting ball on this play. While a parent usually tends to stand behind their child, this is a time to do so while admitting fault because this seems pretty clear to me. The abuse happened and plenty of other teens working at the Albert Lea Good Samaritan home let the abuse happen and participated in it.


********


After receiving an initial notice of suspected abuse of elderly resident vulnerable adults suffering from Alzheimer's disease and/or dementia at the Good Samaritan Society nursing home located in Freeborn County Minnesota, on May 1, 2008, and as part of the investigation involving those allegations, Detective Debra Flatness of the Albert Lea Police Department with assistance from Deputy Robert Kindler of the Freeborn County Sheriff's Department conducted an investigation. Present during some the investigation interviews conducted by Detective Flatness were employees of Good Samaritan Society and Jolene Bertelsen, RN, Special Investigator for the Minnesota Department of Health who conducted a separate civil investigation for the Office of Health Facility Complaints.

Based upon the initial information received, the investigation focused on a group of young part-time nursing assistants some of who were directly involved in the abuse and some who knew or observed the abuse, but had failed to report the abuse. The group included: Brianna M. Broitzman, dob: 06/2/1989; Ashton M Larson, dob: 01/14/1990; AMH, dob: 08/01/1990; KNN, dob: 05/18/1990; SLS, dob: 05/05/1991; RMM, dob: 08/31/1990; JMS, dob: 05/18/1990; and MRW, dob: 08/17/1990.

On May 6, 2008, Brianna Broitzman, was invited to come the the Law Enforcement Center in the City Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota, to be interviewed by Detective Flatness of the Albert Lea Police Department and Deputy Robert Kindler of the Freeborn County Sheriff's Office about suspected abuse of vulnerable adults occurring at the Good Samaritan nursing home. Brianna Broitzman was advised that her coming to the Law Enforcement Center was voluntary and that she was free to leave at any time.

In May 2008, Brianna Broitzman stated that she was told by Ashton Larson that she had spit water on resident GR at the Good Samaritan Center, Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota. Brianna Broitzman admitted that she and Ashton Larson poked SW in breasts. Brianna Broitzman stated that numerous videos and pictures were taken of residents between the dates of January and April 2008. Brianna Broitzman stated there was a picture of a large bowel movement in a commode on AMH's phone. Brianna Broitzman stated that she saw a video of M.K. singing a song in March 2008 and stated she was with AMH and KNN.

During the ongoing investigation and based upon interviews with other Nursing assistants Detective Flatness obtained additional information and personal observations of Brianna Broitzman's activities and behavior with residents at Good Samaritan Nursing home between January 1, 2008 and May 1, 2008. The persons interviewed stated that "they" began talking among themselves about what they were doing in the nursing home after January 1, 2008. The statements included the following: RMM stated she was friends with Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman, KNN, AMH, and JMS. RMM stated they would get together on breaks and at school and talk about their experiences while working at Good Samaritan nursing home. RMM stated the girls would talk and laugh about incidents with the residents. RMM stated that the girls who would tell stories were Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman and AMH.

RMM advised that one night between the date January 1, 2008, and May 1, 2008, while she and Brianna Broitzman were putting E.F. to bed Brianna Broitzman stated, "Watch this". She then spit into the resident's mouth. RMM stated that Brianna Broitzman had a cavalier attitude about the residents. RMM stated that Brianna Broitzman said that she would poke residents in the breasts. RMM stated that this was done for fun and not to cause pain. JMS stated that Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson told her about spanking resident C.K.

JMS was told that he would laugh and the girls would keep doing it. They would play with his cane, ride it like a horse, and spank C.K. on the buttocks with it and Ashton Larson admitted that she patted C.K.'s buttocks. JMS stated that the girls would say stuff behind the residents' back and put their glasses on and dance around. She stated girls were just having fun because they were frustrated.

AMH stated that "the girls" started talking about the incidents she realized was abuse around February 2008. AMH advised that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman told her about things they did to residents and that she recalled that KNN was present during the conversations. AMH stated the "girls" were pretty comfortable talking among themselves, but did not talk with others. AMH stated that the abusive activity was confined to certain residents. AMH stated that she had witnessed Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman poking a female resident's breasts. AMH stated that Ashton Larson would rub vigorously on residents' peri-areas (genital areas) to sexually arouse them. She recall that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman talked about doing these types of things to residents on four to five occasions with the "girls". AMH stated that she was told by Brianna Broitzman that Ashton Larson inserted her finger into a resident's rectum. Ashton Larson was present during this conversation and did not deny it. AMH stated that Brianna Broitzman put her bare butt in S.W.'s face.

SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke residents in breasts and genitals and laugh. SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke J.J. in breast, tap her on the forehead, and put her fingers in her mouth until she would scream. She stated that she witnessed Brianna Broitzman hit resident RM in the genitals so he would scream in March or April of 2008. SLS stated that Brianna Broitzman would put her gloved hands in the resident's nose and mouth to make them scream because she thought it was funny.

MRW stated that the girls started talking about the incidents with residents at AMH's house and later in the car. MRW stated the girls talked on seven to twelve occasions. MRW stated that they openly discussed things among themselves. She stated the girls were confident they would not get caught because, "residents did not have their minds". MRW was told by Brianna Broitzman that she "hocked a loogie in her throat and spit it into E.F.'s mouth without holding E.F.'s mouth open".

J.S. stated that she heard that Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson spit into a resident's mouth because they were upset that the resident was drooling all over. MRW stated that she was told by Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson that while Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman were providing Resident SW's care, Resident SW got angry so they hit her boob. MRW stated that Ashton Larson and Brianna Broitzman poked Resident SW in the breast to get her mad. She stated that Resident SW told them to stop but the girls would just laugh.

MRW stated that Brianna Broitzman, AMH, and KNN stated that they would touch resident KH to make him mad. MRW stated that she was told that resident KH was touched or rubbed by Brianna Broitzman and as a result KH became "hard." MRW stated they were just trying to get a rise out of him, as in sexual teasing.

RW stated that the Nursing Assistants Ashton Larson, Brianna Broitzman, AMH, and KNN would try to make the residents more confused.

MRW then stated the girls would laugh. They did this type of thing as a joke, as something fun to do at work.

KNN stated that Brianna Broitzman would poke residents in the breasts and laugh when they got mad. Stated she believed the resident was OS. KNN stated that she was in the car driving back from Mankato, Minnesota, when Brianna Broitzman was telling the above story.

MRW stated that when the girls, Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson talked about doing cares on residents with Alzheimer's or dementia that they would hit the residents on the breasts or genitals or rub on the breasts or genitals to make the residents mad. MRW stated that resident KH was abused by Brianna Broitzman and Ashton Larson. MRW advised that they would touch is peri-area or privates to make him mad. KH would get an erection.

In an interview with Detective Flatness Aston Larson acknowledged that she knew that between the date January 1, 2008, and May 1, 2008, Brianna Broitzman had spit into resident EF's mouth at Good Samaritan Nursing Care Facility, Albert Lea, Freeborn County, Minnesota. Ashton Larson also admitted in the interview that that she spit water on resident GR. Ashton Larson also admitted she lay in bed with J.J. who was laying on her back and "I might have done the motion (humping), but she was no where near me". Ashton Larson admitted that AMH and Brianna Broitzman "might" have been with her.

********

In cheerier southern Minnesota news, the recently-taped Extreme Makeover: Home Edition episode from the Albert Lea area airs this Sunday and MinnPics, of course, has a photo of the action coming up later today.

Why Black Friday sucks

It doesn't suck because I had to work. It sucks because I loathe everything that the day after Thanksgiving stands for.

Think about it for a moment. People line up in the bone-chilling cold with little to no sleep as they seek out bargains on items that they could very likely do without. Do you really need that $12 set of pans? Sure, it's cool to have that 55" LCD HDTV hanging on the wall in your living room but this year you may instead want to focus on your mortgage payment so you actually have a wall you can drill a hole in.

My other problem with Black Friday isn't so much about the wild, uncontrollable spending as it is about the people who choose to shop that day. As I found out, it seems that the true professional shoppers who have a goal in mind hit the stores before the sun is even seen. The rookies or looky-loos as my mom would call them seem to occupy the hours from noon onward. Unfortunately for me, it was after 4 PM when I arrived at Target in search of the much-advertised $299 LCD HDTV which would have been the replacement for our beleagured upstairs hoopty.

Sure, I struck out not just at the Shakopee Target but also the Savage location but it didn't bother me so much that this phenomenal deal was sold out. What did bother me was that people seemed intent on browsing on Black Friday. That's like going to a Minnesota Timberwolves game because you love professional basketball. Chances are that you'll piss people off on Black Friday with your casual, slow-paced, feet-shuffling window shopping and your choice of a Timberwolves game for some pro hoops action will leave you sorely disappointed.

Hey, everyone has the choice of when and where to shop but much like driving 40 miles per hour on the freeway, keep to the right.

What were you thankful for during this Thanksgiving weekend? If it was great photos from Minnesota's best photographers, check out MinnPics!

Just what is 'The List'?

The often referred to 'List' is, like all too many things, entirely in my own head. As I walk through life, I mentally catalog the experiences that get under my skin and I refuse to let go of. 'The List' is essentially my own petty grievances against businesses, organizations and people who have simply pissed me off to a severe enough degree that I will carry this particular grudge to my grave.

IHOP -
The new IHOP in Burnsville seemed a fitting place to dine one evening a month or four after it opened on County Road 42. The service, though, after an hour of not receiving our food and my then-girlfriend being told that she could not have fruit on her waffles due to the fact that "we don't have fruit" as she gazed longingly at a picture of, you guessed it, waffles drowning in strawberries, left something to be desired. I wrote them a letter about the experience and received no response and only a pathetic five-dollar discount on our shitty dining experience.

Arby's at Shakopee Southbridge -
It had been open for only a month when we stopped here on a Sunday afternoon. We waited in a line in the 'lobby' behind half a dozen customers for about ten minutes as the recently-hired manager struggled with only two employees who had obviously huffed six or seven cans of Krylon paint fumes from a Hefty garbage bag. After a school bus full of softball players arrived, we left angry and hungry only to drive four miles west to eat at the more established Arby's because sometimes you just want something so badly you have to have it.

Unmarried Redneck Neighbor -
He lives behind us, refuses to spray the bumper crop of dandelions or mow his shitty looking lawn which does nothing but pollute my semi-pristine lawn and lower property values for the entire neighborhood by way of his brown tarp covering the outdoor kennels which make him look even dumber than previously assumed. Factor in his four mutant-sized dogs who shit in my garden, dig in my lawn and destroy plants in the garden and flower beds and this mullet-sporting jackass is a prime candidate for 'The List'.

Wal-Mart
Not only have they single-handedly ruined America, they hire illegal aliens who can barely speak their native language and will never learn any shred of English, they bag items at the rate of three pieces per bag. That has been explained because 'the majority of the customers are weak'. They routinely shutter an older store only to move a few blocks away to a larger and new store where they once again received tax breaks to build this new store and hire more minimum wage jobs who end up leaching from the rest of us on public health care programs while I pay out the ass for health care because I supposedly make enough money to afford health care. Not to mention that in the new store which was recently expanded to a 'Super Center' that there are some 30-plus checkouts as well as eight self-checkouts. On numerous occassions, the self-checkouts along with two staffed checkouts are the only ones open during a busy Saturday afternoon. I refuse to let this place save a buck by scanning my own crap, I don't play that way.

Drama
No, not the type on television, I am speaking of unnecessary, hyped-up drama which seems to follow certain people everywhere they walk. Each and every time they open their mouth, drama ensues. They make even the most menial tasks and happenings into dramatic, events of epic proportions to the degree where each event could be a three-act play held on the grandest of stages.

No-Talent Hacks
You know the type. They think because they added a dot marking something to a project which you spent the better part of a day on that this is now their own masterpiece and claim credit for it. This is the type of person that has gotten where they are because they are dirty thiefs and excellent at manipulating their superiors, making them believe that the work being done is entirely their own and that said work is better than anything else. These are the people who deserve to have their heads kicked firmly against the curb in front of an adandoned apartment building.

Cub Foods
At one time this regional grocery store chain was a legitimate money-saving warehouse-type concept. Since that long ago time it has devolved into just another store. Sure, sometimes their advertised specials do add up to actual savings but shopping at Super Target or Rainbow Foods yeilds the same prices, if not lower -- not to mention the fact that the overall experience of the less cluttered environment at Rainbow and Target is heads and tails above that of any Cub Foods store I have ever entered. The mouth breathers that clog the aisles at the typical Cub Foods seem to be plants from a higher power sent to those very spots to test my patience; forcing me to grit my teeth as I restrain myself from literally strangling every last breath from their pathetic and useless bodies. Not that I actually would do that but the thought alone satisfies me.

Fundraising Phone Calls
Hey, just because I generously opened my barren wallet one time doesn't mean that I intend to do it again. Everyone, from churches to political parties to fire departments to girl scouts seem to be begging for cash from me. Well, I have a newsflash folks, I wholeheartedly oppose funding the political dreams of some boring white guy millionaire in a suit as he criss-crosses America making empty promises on his way to gaining an elected position where he can do the work of billionaire companies by giving them tax breaks and passing laws that favor them so Joe Stuffed Suit can line the pockets on his Dockers with crisp twenties.

Racists
The most recent addition to my list. Added mere days ago during a conversation I was dragged in to with a couple of my brother-in-laws that proved that some people would rather hold on to their racist upbringings than think that things can actually change. One of them was particularly stubborn and seemed to whole-heartedly believe that someone will assassinate the president-elect within six months. He went on to joke about a "coon hunt" being needed because there is one in the White House now. All of this, of course, coming from a guy who not only didn't vote but probably couldn't find the polling place. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe it was his attempt at a joke but usually jokes have a humorous tone to them, his mullet-sporting self didn't seem too humorous.

For photographic enlightenment that is certified list-free, check out MinnPics. It's updated daily and it's photolicious because Minnesota rocks... especially when viewed through a lens.

It's finally over

After what seemed like four years of presidential campaigning (it was really only two) the presidential race is over. Even more surprising, because the past two elections were much closer, is that the race was over before I went to bed.

Enough looking back, though, it's time to move forward. Our nation's newly elected president, Barack Obama and the members of congress, have some serious cleaning up to do and their every move is going to be heavily scrutinized.

This election symbolized that there is a turning tide in America but there is still plenty of progress to be made. The fact that during McCain's concession speech there were many of his supporters booing at the mere mention of Barack Obama means that the divisiveness we have seen flourish over the past eight years lives on in the general population regardless of what our elected officials say and do.

Let's hope that the populace wakes up and realizes that things will be different and that they need to let go of their prejudices that have become firmly ingrained in many generations of families. There is no way to make everyone happy and I hope that Americans become aware of the fact that unity is better than separation. Remember the phrase "United we stand, divided we fall"? It's still true today and we truly are at a turning point, the direction will be decided shortly.

Get your fix of Minnesota photography at MinnPics. It's not only free but it's less wordy too!

Dear politicans, please shut up

Every day I cautiously approach my mailbox. No, I'm not worried about the "smiley-face" bomber having left a present for me, I am afraid of the amount of litter I'll find crammed in to my U.S. Postmaster approved recepticle.

Yesterday was par for the course. Three pro-Norm Coleman pieces and the fourth self-congratulating Minnesota State Representative Laura Brod on her accomplishments as she ties herself still closer to U.S. Representative John Kline.

Worse than the daily mailbox barrage is the radio and television ads. I heard the exact same Al Franken ad, the one which Norm Coleman is suing him over, twice in one commercial break today. Is hearing the same ad twice within the span of about three minutes going to change anyone's mind? Will it further infuriate listeners and potential voters?

Television, though, is the worst. Nearly every commercial break is wall-to-wall political ads. Ads put forth by the candidates themselves, their national committees and a host of other organizations with their own bones to pick or agendas to spew. How about some moderation? How about addressing your own stances on issues? Would it be too much to ask that you focus on what you, the candidate, plans on accomplishing should we vote your overspending asses in to office? Can you back off talking about the negatives of your opponent? We know it already. Every candidate has negatives in the eyes of the opposition. If you saw eye to eye, you'd be in the same political party and what fun would the 19-month campaign season be if that were the case?

So here's my plea: shut up. Talk about your plans, ideas and stances. Maybe even admit your weaknesses. You might seem human to the rest of us worker bees. What other suggestions would you include to our nation's politicians?

Sure, there's politics at MinnPics but when the photos are awesome, the words are far fewer in quantity.

Get your free Dr. Pepper

You may remember that I called Guns 'n Roses on their bluff earlier this year and made some wild and crazy promises. That offer still stands if your contributions back things up... anyhow, on with the post.

It might actually happen. Only 13 years of waiting until early-90s hair-rockers Guns 'n Roses (actually only Axl Rose) got off their psychotic and indecisive high horse and release Chinese Democracy. That could be a great thing or it could be a terrible thing. Great because they might actually follow through with their promise of releasing an album that they have promised for over a decade. Bad because Axl Rose has fucked with his few remaining fans for so terribly long that they have moved on. Sure, some original fans of the band still exist for whatever reason. It could be due to the fact that they never matured beyond their glory years in high school. Maybe they took five tooo many hits from the bong as they hung out in the garage listening to Warrant and Poison. Or maybe they are simply nostalgic. They yearn for the simpler times.

Well, it's time to grow up. Guns 'n Roses are as meaningful in 2008 as a piecee of roadkill from 1995. They both stink or are six feet under.

Anyhow, music's loss in your gain. Log on to DrPepper.com on Sunday, November 23rd and fill out the form which gets you a voucher (4-14 weeks later) for a 20 oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper soda. It's free but you have just that one day to grab your free soda. Snooze. Lose.

Not alot of music on MinnPics but when the music's good, the photos of the acts swinging through Minnesota are even better.

When the election season hits bottom

Political campaigns are dirty. There are TV ads from candidates filled with outright lies about their opposition. Political action committees get involved and often time they fight dirtier than those trying to win a seat as an elected official.

No matter what the case, I've never actually seen a candidate or committee wish death upon the opposition's supporters. I guess doing so would probably alienate quite a few folks on both sides.

But I feel that an all-time low was struck recently as City Pages reported.

I won't name the blog who said...

If you are biking to save the environment, keep it up and the law of averages says we'll have a few less Obama voters in November.

and

If you are biking because you are poor, get a second job and take the bus. Odds are you might just be seriously hurt and then you'll be even poorer.

because the people who write such imbecilic sentences only do so because they are incapable of reason. They see no value in someone who doesn't view the world exactly as they do.

People who write such vile words aren't worth of even a mention but they win because the only reason they write such utter garbage is to get a reaction out of people. An even sadder fact is that the people who write trash such as this do truly believe the words they type.

Maybe one person who truly matters in the Twin Cities will read this as well as the link and the actual blog entry I am referring to and call these hate-mongers out. Maybe some day they'll realize that there are other ways of living outside of their own. Maybe someone will leave a truly sarcastic comment here that makes me laugh because after reading those quotes I could use a truly odd take on this.

Oh yeah, and all this because I went looking, haphazardly, for the City Pages nightlife expert who was billed by casual observers an a failure from day one. For the record, she logged a whopping three posts.

If you're looking for less anger, try MinnPics. It's a shiny, happy place full of stunning photography from around Minnesota.

Clay Aiken is gay?

Well, in news Americans already knew and simultaneously didn't care about, former American Idol swooner/crooner Clay Aiken is coming out as gay. He is also looking a bit puffy but that isn't the real point.

In an effort to keep himself in the news and somewhat fresh in people's minds, Aiken is taking to the cover of some shitty supermarket checkout "magazine" to announce what everyone already knew, that he likes dudes.

The real point here is why do we care? Why is this news? Clay Aiken, famous because he was a gangly singer on a TV show whose results may or may not be rigged, is as gay as Charles Nelson Reilly. He's as gay as Larry Craig. Aiken is as gay as... well you get the point.

Why are we, as a society, so enamored and polarized over someone's sexuality. Are we so bored or fed up with our own lives that we feel the need to escape and almost obsess over the lives of those who are on our TVs? Yes, I think we can all agree that Clay Aiken admitting what we already knew is mildly humorous/sad but what business is it of ours?

One thing to care about is great photography. It gives us something interesting and of value to obsess over and the best of the best from across Minnesota live at MinnPics!