Goals for 2016

Normally people pontificate on the upcoming year towards the end of the prior year. With everyone and their little dog, too, having already done that; I opted to wait a handful of week into the current year to set some goals for myself.

I feel like I spun my wheels for the most part in 2015. For better or worse I settled into a groove, or rut, depending on how you look at it. Things need to change this year.

After some unfortunate developments in 2015, I was thrust into a number of new roles within the company where I work. For 2016 I need to get better at those roles because those roles drive revenue and with a radically new ownership structure on the horizon, ever dollar will be scrutinized and that is something we are entirely unfamiliar with. What was previously a free-wheeling company with virtually no revenue expectations is now expected to be a money-making machine. Being responsible for approximately 15% of that revenue (if not more), I need to step things up.

Secondly, I need to be better about distancing myself from work. There will always be that need for taking care of problems minutes after they arise – that's the nature of a small 24/7 business. The key is knowing when to prioritize things. I have been careful in how I approached things, letting other know that I put work second but still being able to fix problems when they need to be fixed. I stay in my corner of the work world and let others fight their battles because I control my own destiny and people repeatedly state that they notice how much work I do and are impressed with how I exceed their expectations.

The third area is self-improvement. I am used to working my ass off. It comes from growing up on a farm where manual labor and long hours were the norm. I need to get back to that. I intend to step up to bat in the area of helping my parents who are no longer young. I also intend to pitch in whenever I can to help my in-laws whose health is beginning to fade. One would think that with eight children that there would always be help around when it is needed but that simply isn't the case. I enjoy helping them out and I look at it as returning the favor for them letting me have garden space at their farm.

The fourth area is my health in general. Item three will go a long way in improving my health but I also need to make smarter choices about what I eat and drink. Now don't go crazy thinking that I'm cutting out beer, wine or alcohol in general because I'm not. I actually consume those rather infrequently. I do need to completely eliminate soda from my diet and find ways to improve my overall fitness. Maybe that means more bike rides with my kids or running with them as they ride their bikes. Whatever the case, I intend to lose ten pounds this year and gain back the muscle tone which has become a bit soft in recent years.

Wait and see if I meet these goals in eleven months.

Avoid eating canned tomatoes

Avoiding canned foods never really clicked with me. I never thought, "Hey, maybe I should pass on the 79¢ can of fruit or tomatoes or sweet corn". Being raised on a farm, we had a huge garden which resulted in a decent mix of fresh, home-preserved (either canned in glass jars or frozen) or, as a last resort, canned goods from one of the grocery stores in town.

This tidbit, though, makes perfect sense now that I am a somewhat educated consumer.

The Problem: The resin linings of tin cans contain bisphenol-A, or BPA, a synthetic estrogen that has been linked to ailments ranging from reproductive problems to heart disease, diabetes, and obesity. Studies show that the BPA in most people's bodies exceeds the amount that suppresses sperm production or causes chromosomal damage to the eggs of animals. "You can get 50 micrograms of BPA per liter out of a tomato can, and that's a level that is going to impact people, particularly the young," says vom Saal. "I won't go near canned tomatoes."

The Solution: Choose tomatoes in glass bottles (which do not need resin linings), such as the brands Eden Organic and Bionaturae. You can also get several types in Tetra Pak boxes, such as Trader Joe's and Pomi.

h/t

Is Taco John's actually better than Taco Bell?

I've never been a fan of Taco Bell. To me the food was gimmicky and lacked flavor and substance. Yesterday, though, my near hatred of Taco Bell was vindicated when a lawsuit surfaced stating that their "beef" contained a mere 36% beef and was packaged as "Taco Meat Filler". Even more disturbing was the fact that, after watching a news story about the subject, a food item classified as being 100% beef only needs to contain a mere 40% beef.

The rest of the bulk is made of wheat and soy fillers, binders and extenders which I'm nearly certain contains far less nutritional value that even the fattiest ground beef would.

This report, WCCO's Good Question, did little more to calm me:


Yesterday, as I sat in the local Taco John's drive-thru waiting for what I assumed were superior tacos, I watched a fairly steady stream of cars roll through the Taco Bell drive-thru across the street. Either these people really love shitty food or had heard nothing about the food that's making them fatter (for a low price to boot) not really being food. Whatever the case, I went on with my day not really thinking about what I had eaten until later. Then I tweeted my thoughts and the two almost immediate responses were troubling. They, one of them being Jason DeRusha, both agreed that the Taco John's product was likely the same.

Later still I did some lazy sleuthing on TacoJohns.com and within their allergy information, all of the items containing ground beef had the categories of soy and wheat allergies checked. To me this signifies that the Taco John's beef also contains soy and wheat fillers along the lines of the Taco Bell "beef". A quick search of off-the-shelf Ortega taco seasoning mix reveals no soy or wheat ingredients in the flavoring which, to me, rules that out as a possibility.

So, at a dead end for now, I'll open the question to better sleuths with more time. What percentage of fillers and actual beef is contained in Taco John's taco meat? I'd be surprised if I'd ever receive a straight answer but given the not-so-shocking news about Taco Bell, I am interested in knowing that the supposedly better choice is, in fact, better.

All about my health

It hit me last Tuesday. My stomach began churning like a million angry washing machines. I knew the feeling and vaguely remembered it from many years ago. On one hand I knew that the unsettledness would likely pass but on the other hand I wondered if this was the third occurance of a condition that had haunted me for the past decade.

By midnight, unable to sleep due to the roiling and churning in my gut, I knew that this was no ordinary, temporary stomach discomfort. This was the third coming of my curse.

It first happened almost eight years ago to the day. I know that time that it was a severe case of nerves that set off the extreme acid production which three days later hadn't eased up even a bit. Somehow, though, I got through that first bout without ever knowing what had happened or what the cause was.

Then a year later it all happened again. Except that particular time it wasn't correcting itself. I suffered through nearly a week of trying everything to throttle back the excessive acid production from the B.R.A.T. diet to living on Pepto-Bismol. Then I actually decided to do what most guys would never do, I went to see an actual doctor. I described my symptoms, he asked questions, more descriptions, more questions and after about 30 minutes (yes, 30 actual minutes with a qualified doctor) he suggested an off-the-shelf solution of Prilosec. Yep, I could just run across the street to Target, plop down fifteen bucks for a box of Prilosec and, combined with a bland diet to begin with, be back to my normal routine.

But that didn't fly this time around. I began taking Prilosec just as I realized that this was the real thing and it did nothing. The only course of action that seemed to work was to simply quit eating. So my last meal was Tuesday evening. A hamburger. A bland, boring hamburger. If I knew it was going to be my last meal I would have at least made it something delicious but a hamburger it was.

After two more days (Wednesday and Thursday) of intestinal and gastronomical distress I had some Cheerios Friday morning. Even in my severely weakened and dehydrated state I inflated a low tire for my old lady as she headed off to work Friday morning. I thought I was out of the woods.

But I wasn't. After I called in sick for a third day -- missing more work in a week than I usually miss in a year -- I knew that that day was THE day. I was going to triumph or die trying. I was going to kick my body's feeble ass and with more bland food (I now despise toast) and another dose of Prilosec I was feeling better. And due to work policies I eventually saw a doctor later that day. Even though his prognosis varied wildly from what I knew from dealing with these extreme acid flare-ups in the past, I felt better having talked things out and being reassured that I didn't bring this on myself.

Friday evening I ate actual food -- a roast beef sandwich from Arby's. It was delicious. I spent the bulk of that evening lightly napping and actually slept through the night until my daughter's internal alarm went off around 8 AM Saturday morning. I was beginning to feel better. I even went to to grocery store for some provisions and was feeling confident enough to buy and then eat a deli sandwich. It was the best food I had eaten in quite some time. It was amazing. It was like food straight from God himself.

Needless to say, while I'm still recovering to a certain extent, I feel far better now than I did on Tuesday evening. I know I haven't seen the last of these extreme stomach acid flare-ups (the doctor six years ago described my condition as my stomach's acid pumps get stuck in the on position and maybe even in high gear and proceed to wreak havoc on my entire body) but I can't let it keep me from living my normal life. So by the middle of the week -- barring any complications -- I'll be back to occasionally eating a smorgasboard of spicy Mexican food and washing it down with copious amounts of Coca-Cola. After all, somebody has to eat those 8 quarts of homemade salsa in my pantry.

Fitness clubs as a status symbol

Everyone has some awareness about status symbols. We see the douchebag sporting personalized license plates driving a Mercedes Benz fast enough to both get noticed and pulled over. We see someone wearing a $300 t-shirt but only because they casually mention its cost in conversation at a louder-than-normal volume. Then there are less obvious status symbols. Take gyms and fitness centers for example.

In the past five years the Twin Cities area has experienced a huge boom in fitness clubs. The original full-service gym - Northwest Athletic Club - is a piece of history. It's been replaced by the far more prestigious Lifetime Fitness Club. Around these parts Lifetime is sort of the gold standard for full-service gyms. Older stalwarts such as Gold's Gym are trying to make inroads but they are facing the Rainbow Foods situation - it's difficult to change habits of Minnesotans and Gold's Gym has that image of roided up weightlifters thanks to t-shirts from the 1980s - Lifetime Fitness is the status symbol (to me). Any place with monthly dues over $100 for one person is considered as a luxury and a status symbol by your's truly.

Of course there are a ton of other options like Anytime Fitness and Snap Fitness. A membership there is $30-$40/mo. It's not lofty but it's still not the cheapest. However, I'm willing to bet that the equipment at these strip mall fitness clubs is at least similar to the equipment found by the status symbol seekers who populate Lifetime Fitness. The cheapest that I've seen in the fitness club game is a strip mall outlet in Excelsior or Shorewood - somewhere along Highway 7 on the south shore - advertising $9/month memberships. That, for me, is the price where it negates having your own elliptical trainer taking up precious space in your basement or home office.

The final piece of the fitness game puzzle is the community aspect. Most cities have a community center or YMCA. The community centers are generally rather cheap for monthly memberships. The thing they lack is exclusivity. The memberships are affordable enough that Joe and Jane Average can afford a family membership. Their 2.5 kids are busy with swimming lessons and they are going to ride home together in their 2002 Dodge Caravan minivan. The only difference is that they live just a block away from Doug Douchebag and his 2009 Mercedes Benz. So who's the one living life with a bunch of status symbols?

I, for one, am happy with the occasional run through town and time training on my Wii Fit and driving one of our two Toyotas.

I'm also happy curating MinnPics. The amount of amazing photography from Minnesotans is shocking and deserving of your attention. Check it out today.

The problem with medical care

The biggest problem is the overall lack of care in the medical world. I say this with one caveat: there are plenty of medical professionals who truly care about their work (a certain friend from back home comes to mind) and go way beyond the extra mile to do their jobs. They come in early, stay late, work tons of extra hours but I think they do so because they feel the need to compensate for those around them who don't pull their own weight. Those problems exist in every profession but are more obvious in a business which people's very lives depend on.

Those who do the bulk of the work are stretched thin - and it shows. They sometimes work at multiple locations and have to travel frequently. It's all about providing shareholders with the best return and giving CEOs ever-increasing bonuses. It's the American way. The work of the best supports the lack of work from the rest. Sure, sometimes the hard work is recognized but rarely is the lack of work called out.

This all stems from a visit to the doctor's office I had Saturday morning. First off, it's nearly impossible to find a doctor on a Saturday morning but when you're sick you can't really schedule it. The only available place within a reasonable driving distance that could accomodate my crappy schedule for the rest of the day along with my list of duties was a minute clinic-type office inside a retail store.

I arrived promptly at the exact minute which the office opened. I filled out the paperwork and in two minutes I had been checked with the standard stuff (blood pressure, temperature, etc.) by the office's nurse. Then I waited. I played a few hands of poker on my phone. I blew my nose a half-dozen times. I called my old lady. I even dozed off. Forty minutes in to my wait, after the nurse had called the doctor, I was informed that the doctor was running late. She cordially apologized and explained that he'd be in the office in about ten minutes.

About ten minutes passed and the doctor arrived. He quickly asked a few questions. He moved his stethoscope around while having me cough and in less than two minutes had written things off as simply a cold and out the door I went with a prescription for cough syrup and nasal spray.

Let me repeat that. I waited fifty minutes for two minutes of this doctor's time. I was able to ask just one question before he nearly pushed me out the door. But what choice do I have on a Saturday morning? I could have visited an emergency room like so many recommend but what would the outcome have been? My shoddy insurance isn't going to pay a dime for what I did because of my insanely high (normal) deductible. So here I am, ten days after I first noticed symptoms and I still can't sleep through the night, I sometimes cough just short of the point of vomiting and I've blown my nose so many times that it's dry and nearly bloody. I don't feel like I'm getting any better but it's just a cold according to Dr. Two Minutes. Yeah, our medical system works just fine.

MinnPics has returned. After a long weekend it's back with some fresh Minnesota photos that you need to check out.

Turning over a new leaf

I'm back to running. Yep, I started running later last summer after I was shit-canned from my second job. It was a mixed blessing of sorts because it gave me back that time after my day job and came just as gas prices were starting to take a nosedive. On the other hand, it came just as my hours were cut at my day job (they have yet to come back).

Whatever the case, I realized that as I approached the ripe old age of 30, I needed to do something to improve myself. Maybe it's a part of my constant need to reinvent myself every so often. That's probably due, in part, to the fact that today's world moves so damn fast - I see the change all around me and find myself being bored. Not just with things around me but flat out bored with myself.

To combat that self-boredom, I became ultra-active in my after-work hours. I'd bring my running crap (shirt, shorts, shoes) with me to the office, change after my newly-shortened day and drive to a nearby park with a ton of trails that seemed custom designed for a nice run. Now there's no way in hell that I'd ever be ready to run in Grandma's Marathon but I began to see a change.

I felt healthier, looked better and while I didn't lose any weight (most would say that I don't need to lose any weight) I looked trimmer and leaner and generally more toned. I was impressed that this could happen with just three days a week and tackling what amounted to a mile or two each time.

Well, last night, after a few weeks of wondering what I could do to change myself again, I reverted back to running. The first excursion was delayed a bit after I dug for my iPod's set of at-home earbuds and my well-fitting running shoes. It didn't last long and as I walked up my driveway after the relatively short run I quickly realized that this isn't an option; I need to keep this up. I am so painfully out of shape (but hide it well) that I can't not do this.

I'll be spending the next few months working on my running again. Am I alone here? What do you do to reinvent or simply improve yourself?

And speaking of improvement, I'll be out this weekend taking a few photos that may or may turn up on MinnPics.

Is anal rejuvenation far off?

Some of the procedures that have been created in the field of plastic, cosmetic or reconstructive surgery are downright weird.

The one that popped into my head is one of the more recent procedures that seems to be purely a Hollywood thing. That procedure is vaginal rejuvenation. Yep, vaginal rejuvenation (Google it yourself, folks). I can understand that things can become rather stretched during childbirth or extreme sexual activities but with the proper exercises, the vagina can be toned close to its previous condition. While I'm aware that some things simply won't return to normal and that age takes its toll, vaginal rejuvenation seems to be the most vain of procedures.

The thing that made me intrigued even more about vaginal rejuvenation is that I'm unclear about what the procedure involves. It is like detailing a car? Does the dust, salt and sand get graveled out and will you get a fresh spritz of air freshener? The new car scent is a favorite if this is remotely close to the actual procedure. The clean scent is enough to make one realize that the smell is clean but it isn't overpowering. Much like a fresh spring morning, maybe this is what a newly rejuvenated vagina needs.

Above and beyond vaginal rejuvenation, I have to wonder is the next trendy cosmetic surgery procedure is anal rejuvenation. After years of eating whatever the hell you wanted and pushing hard and whatever else you do to or with your anus, maybe anal rejuvenation isn't so bizarre after all. I imagine a hot iron to steam out any wrinkles or a hot towel treatment to revitalize the area. Maybe even some procedure dangerously close to a surgical mask-clad Asian lady digging away at your cuticles or sanding away the dead skin from your rough heels. After all, the anal area can certainly be subject to some abuse and removing that old, dead skin is necessary and probably a part of the anal rejuvenation process.

Am I far off here or dead on? What other procedures would you incorporate into the anal rejuvenation procedure?

There is no ass talk on MinnPics. Instead, it's a haven of unique and stunning photography from around Minnesota. Check out the fresh photos today!

Some good news for wankers

Finally some good news in these gloomy times. Well, good if you're a senior citizen and a guy. And if you can still get your soldier to stand at attention.

If you can get Pedro to rise to the occasion, feel free to jerk him around because it's good for your health!

Yep, old men, masturbation is good. You've gotten past that age when doing so will lead to hairy palms and blindness so yank your wrinkled member out and take the old fella for a test drive. Grab a copy of Sexy Seniors or the lingerie section of the Sears catalog and pleasure yourself.

Oh, you're probably wondering why it's good for your health to flog the dolphin. Well, it can prevent prostate cancer. Your ninth-grade health teacher never told you that.

So, silver haired gentlemen of the world, next time you're feeling randy (preferably within the confines of your own home) bust out your wiener and jerk it out because it's not just good, it's good for you.

Now that I've scared everyone off with talk of masturbation, check out the classy side of me at MinnPics. It's bursting with fabulous photos from across Minnesota that are just begging for your attention.

Happiness is... a size 14?

It used to be said that blondes had all the fun. Now it's true that size 14 (which is a 10 or 12 in American sizes) ladies are the happiest and, in turn, must have all the fun. Think about it for a minute. A lady who is a size 10 or 12 can actually enjoy a meal. She isn't confined to having only a salad for lunch. And guys, when you wrap your arms around a size 10 or 12 lady, she doesn't feel like a damn skeleton. There's no sharp objects protruding from her that could mark you with bruises. There's no chance that one of her protruding ribs could puncture your lung.

Then there's the loving. Imagine a life where your hips aren't constantly bruised and jabbed. You don't have to worry about smashing the life out of the poor lady because she's not a damn feather. She has curves and let me just say that curves are good. To all you size 10 or 12 ladies, you are happy and you are actually average. You've got some junk in the trunk and it works because saggy-assed jeans are not a good look. Remember this, when you're eating that tasty piece of chocolate mint ice cream cake, you won't be running to the ladies' room in 15 minutes to puke it up.

It's time to erect something

I hope that everyone remembers Bob Dole. Remember how after his 1996 presidential run, he turned to endorsing Viagra?

Would it be stereotypical of me to say that all old politicians need their boner pills? At what age does El Capitan start to get sluggish?

Can it then be assumed that with this interview that a certain current presidential candidate is already in need of Viagra, Cialis or Levitra to firm up his meat rocket?



I am not an ageist but can America trust a man who is needs drugs to function in his daily life?

Even more importantly, are women being left out in the cold? No, not with men who aren't able to stiffen up their flaccid members but perking up something of their own. Of course, I am speaking of nipples. Many women are able to tell the temperature of a room with their nipples but what is being done about those who can't? Are the pharmaceutical companies looking out for women whose nipples aren't temperature sensitive? Where is the justice? Where is the equality? Where is the nipple hardness pill?

Tsk, tsk. If you haven't checked out MinnPics yet, you are missing out. It's coherent, full of great content and lots of pictures which means less of that pesky reading. The best photos from the best photographers and it's all about Minnesota.

My chest issues

A long winter, an unusually cool spring, long periods of inactivity and a workload which gives me an excuse of rather long periods of inactivity have given me what can only be scientifically referred to as soft pectoral muscles.

In laymen's terms, I have a case of man boobs. In crude, unrefined terms, this guy's got bitch titties. But what can I do to remedy the situation? This has been my quest for the past 30 minutes. (Yes, a whopping half hour)

What has quickly become a man boob crisis has led me to take matters in to my own hands and break out my pocket protector for some ultra scientific research. By scientific research, I mean Googling the phrase "man boobs" (huh, 1.4 million results). The results were interesting to say the least.

This site suggests cutting back on the three major food groups; beer, meat and potatoes. I rather enjoy my fine beer and summer in Minnesota means grilling so that solution is simply hogwash. However, another solution is cardio-aerobic exercise. That I can do. In fact, a speedy round of disc golf after work is in the cards for me today and I count walking the rolling terrain of the one mile long course exercise so I have a start.

There are also plenty of other solutions and apparently I'm not alone because while my problem is small (I still weigh south of 200 lbs.) apparently it's a very real problem in America because Newsweek says it is. And as if all this coverage wasn't enough, check out the top ten moobs clips.

Hey, at least I don't look like the guy in this final video.



But I could use the collective help of the readers here. Any tips to eliminate my man boobs? Or do you ladies find smallish man boobs cute, even sexy? Let me know. These flabby pecs may be my ticket to the big time.

Seize the moment

Have you ever heard of the Harding Test? Well with my total lack of research it seems to be some sort of test to determine whether or not visual elements cause seizures. The only thing I can think of that does that are those Japanimation cartoons from the 90s. Well, that was until the past week or so.

It took the evil geniuses (Cee Lo Green & Danger Mouse) behind Gnarls Barkley to create a video whose imagery was turned down by MTV to squeeze into their 90 minutes of videos played weekly due to the video for "Run" failing The Harding Test.

I watched it all the way through and I wasn't flopping on the floor like a fish so I tend to think the test is a load of crap but who am I to judge? Watch for yourself and test your luck!

It's at about 2:20 into the video that you may experience seizures. View at your own risk but enjoy!




I know this music video can't be alone in its risk of causing seizures. What other music video or even movie sequences would think would fall into the illness inducing category?

And if you thought 2007 was a thing of the past, you are sorely mistaken. A blogger with too much time has mixed up the top 25 songs (according to Billboard magazine) of '07. If nothing else this proves that the pop music is sorely lacking in variety as it sounds like nothing more than 5 minutes of hip hop beats.

Edit: Fixed missing video.