Ellie Goulding bares her head-lights in sheer white dress

Ellie Goulding wore next to nothing on the red carpet at the Les Misérables premiere in London on Wednesday Dec. 5. It appeared as though Ellie didn’t want A-list stars Anne Hathaway and Amanda Seyfried to get all of the attention!

The “Lights” singer seemed unfazed by the bitter cold weather, however, there was one telling sign (or two) that the air was frigid.

Ellie made sure to show off all angles, exposing her boobs, nipples and underwear.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver are so done

From bodybuilder to actor to governor to divorcee -- that's the string of landmarks for Austrian import Arnold Schwarzenegger who is splitting from his Kennedy-related Maria Shriver. What is more shocking that the divorce of a relative power couple living in California is the factt hat they were married for a whopping 25 years.

I'm not a fan of either of the two -- Arnold Schwarzenegger is only a borderline OK actor and while he definitely hasn't taken himself too seriously (remember "Twins"?) he seems to have almost no direction in his life as of late. A venture in to politics from an immigrant actor just screams "look at me -- look at what I'm doing now!" He had nowhere else he could have gone after being governor due to the fact that he's an immigrant. His movie career is basically done unless the "Terminator" franchise comes back for another installment. And now with his divorce looming, his future seems to be bleak.

Maria Shriver, too, seems to come to the end of her road in the public eye. I remember her having some bit reporting role for NBC about 20 years ago and that alone was kind of the pinnacle of her career. What has she done since then? I'm sure she was involved in some charitable work along the way because what else do Kennedy heirs do after their time in the limelight has faded? But what will she do now? Will she end up -- jacked-up face and all -- anchoring the 10 PM Saturday evening news on the sixth-rated TV station in Sacramento, California? Will she marry tattooed Nazi Jesse James and take up a career in the adult film industry? Doubtful on both accounts. She'll probably just go away like every has-been should which would be refreshing to see.

The best part about this non-story is that it will fade in a day and we can get back to talking about how much of a spoiled brat Justin Bieber is and hearing endless ploys for the taxpayers of Minnesota to fund a Vikings stadium.

30 Minutes or Less trailer: "You deflowered my sister!"

More 30 Minutes or Less Videos

Late summer seems to be the hot time to release a movie overflowing with crude language and killer sight gags. And based on the trailer for 30 Minutes of Less, it should have a decent run in the theaters with a cast like Jesse Eisenberg, Aziz Asari (from Community) and America's favorite dirtball actor Danny McBride and lines like "You deflowered my sister", nailed by Aziz Asari.

30 Minutes or Less opens August 12.

When Harry Met Sally 2

This fake trailer for When Harry Met Sally 2 is actually hilarious. Especially good is the role which Helen Mirren plays. Even more proof after her hosting run on SNL this weekend that she is game for anything -- especially this spoof which she really sinks her teeth in to.

We don't actually need 3D movies

Just when Hollywood was seemingly running out of ideas for movies, an idea that seemed to originate in the 1950s came back around and it felt like the perfect time to the movie executives to take a second look at a technology which was a joke, used only in cheesy monster flicks, from the black and white age.

I don't pretend to know shit about 3D movies but I do know that because of their so-called premium experience they also demand a premium price. That's why tickets run about $13.00 for the experience of seeing such quality films as "Grown Ups" and "Jackass 3" in "eye-popping, jaw-dropping 3D!"

It's bullshit. The only films that benefit from being in 3D are scary horror flicks. There's nothing like the added dimension of someone jumping out from behind a bush wielding a machete and slashing someone's throat, spraying blood everywhere being experienced in 3D. That's the only genre that benefits and thusly justifies its added cost.

But in a world where profits ae all that matter, it's only a matter of time before every "Step Up 3D" and "Gulliver's Travels" movie is needlessly shot in 3D. It's a great scam that, even in the leanest times in my generation, people are buying into.

So keep those movie studios running and don't forget to buy a couple tickets to the next Tyler Perry movie... in ass-blasting 3D!

Why I've never watched Jurassic Park

In flipping through the labyrinth of obscure cable channels recently, I happened across "Jurassic Park". I immediately blurted out "crap" and proceeded onward. My old lady, upon hearing me blurt out "crap" turned to me and asked "Why is it crap?".

I launched in to a lengthy explanation about how I am not a Jeff Goldblum fan and that the science behind it (because I know so damn much about science) doesn't make one bit of sense and then I let it slip that I had never watched it.

That set off a bit of a storm in the living room that particular evening. "How can you hate something if you've never seen it?" "How do you know shit about dinosaurs?" "Why do you hate America because America IS Jeff Goldblum?"

Of course I sat there stunned that my dislike of a movie which I had admittedly not seen in my moderately long life but that's how I roll. I form judgments based on seeing only parts of the item I inevitably dislike. I find the overall plot of "Lost" to be more scientifically thought out than that of "Jurassic Park". I have no desire to ever learn anything about dinosaurs because Dino from "The Flinstones" is the be all end all when it comes to dinosaurs. Do I think that dinosaurs would make a tasty treat? Yes I do. Would I hunt dinosaurs if they roamed the earth today? No, but I'd certainly buy the choice dinosaur cuts of meat at my local grocer of choice. Would I watch "Jurassic Park" if it was the only form of theatrical entertainment left after some sort of audio/visual media apocalypse? No, I'd lay back and watch clouds or play with sticks but I'd never watch "Jurassic Park". And that, folks, is why I've never seen "Jurassic Park".

The Jackass 3D trailer is amazing

I'm probably not in the demographic which the Jackass franchise is geared at but I was when the show first aired on MTV and it actually stands the test of time.

I literally laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes, not to mention those streaming down my face. It's that good.

JACKASS 3D


If this appears too classless for your refined tastes, check out the classy photos of Minnesota at MinnPics.

A real question about ultrasounds

As we watched "Juno" a few weeks back (fifth time) I paused the movie at one particular scene. The scene where Juno McGuff is getting her ultrasound. The ultrasound technician squeezes the bottle of ultrasound jelly on Juno's pregnant belly and the bottle sounds rather obviously less than full. It sounds like a sputtering plastic ketchup botttle as it reluctantly gives up some of its last ketchup.

My question is about those ultrasound jelly bottles. Do they come from the ultrasound jelly plant only half full? I remember when my old lady got her ultrasound just like Juno's and that bottle sputtered like a backfiring engine when it was squeezed. And the one at Rochester's Mayo Clinic did the same thing. So, I jumped to the conclusion that there's some sinister company somewhere in the country churning out less-than half-full bottles of ultrasound jelly.

But is there any truth in my assumption? Has anyone actually seen a full(ish) bottle of ultrasound jelly that didn't spit and sputter that cold (from what I've heard) goo all over their pregnant belly?

If serious topics like this one make your head pound like it's full of a million kick drums, check out the relaxing but still intriguing photos of Minnesota at MinnPics. It's the one decision today that you won't regret.

One celeb to stab me, one to cuddle

The quote of the day:

Getting sexily stabbed by Megan Fox every now and then in exchange for seeing her naked all the time seems like a good deal. She could dip the knife in cobra venom, lemon juice and syphilis, then jam it in my leg and wiggle it back and forth and I’d still probably cum in my pants.

from h/t

I can honestly say that I've never once suggested to someone that they could stab me but there are those rare occasions when one's sexiness trump their bitchiness and craziness and Megan Fox, who stars in the Diablo Cody-written Jennifer's Body which opens tomorrow, is that rare exception.

Wow, the things I'd let her do. She's crazy sexy which is different from my classification of Zooey Deschanel who is cute and quirky sexy.

And now that pics of Zooey and Megan have you in a looking mood, check out the photos at MinnPics. Always nice eyecandy.

No real hangover this weekend

The July 4th weekend has come and gone. It wasn't the most stellar of wekeends but it definitely wasn't a complete bust. I didn't end up in jail overnight or anything that was more likely to have happened a few years back. No four day-long benders or burning off my eyelashes just because the gas grill wouldn't light.

I did get a damn good meal Friday night on a rare night out without the baby. We also got to see The Hangover (HILARIOUS!). July 4th could have been mildly better in the form of lasting longer. A soggy start as we pulled out of the driveway led to sunny skies which, of course, sparked a mini deluge of sorts that drove us to end the outdoor festivities early before we were struck with lightning and completely drenched.

Wrapping those events up early meant a rather boring night as you can't very well take an 8 month old to fireworks at 10 PM because that will lead to much crying and screaming.

Oh well, at least today starts the epic week that is the first birthday of MinnPics. All I can say is that it's huge. Check back frequently and by that I mean hourly starting at 1 PM today.

The world needs more tornado movies

I came to this not-so-brilliant realization last Thursday before I fell asleep shortly after 9 PM while watching Twister on TBS. The tornado movie is a highly underserved cinema genre. We've had dozens of movies about vampires (the recent Twilight movie comes to mind) and movies about storms in general such as the rather shitty The Day after Tomorrow and one from the 90s about a shit-ton of rain but in 15-plus years we haven't had another tornado movie.

Oh, sure, Sci-Fi had the less-than-brilliant Atmoic Twister starring Zak from Saved by the Bell. I don't even need to explain the ridiculous premise for that flick. It sucked because it seemed to unfold in real time and anyone from Canada to Texas knows that tornados do not take two hours to strike. You may have twenty minutes but nobody knows for sure if it wil or won't strike the area's nuclear power plant. The whole movie was flawed but because it was winter in Minnesota and it was Sunday, I sat through the whole damn thing a couple weekends ago. Rather than change the channel, I had to watch. I felt compelled to see how truly terrible Atomic Twister was going to be and you know what, I wasn't let down. It was truly an abortion on the small screen. But it set the wheels in motion for my realization that we need more tornado movies. Whether they be absurd, comical, dramatic or pornographic in nature it's a weather phenomenon who's time has come.



Minnesota's storm season is just around the corner and MinnPics had cool storm photos last year and there will be new ones this year too!

Sex in good times vs. bad

Sex is a constant in society. If it weren't for sex, none of us would exist today. Entire industries hinge on people having sex. It keeps the birthing wings of hospitals in business as well as the condom industry and pharmaceutical companies (birth control, penicilin for those pesky STDs) because plenty of people love the sex but not so much with the consequences.

My question is whether sex occurs more during bad economic times than good economic times.

Think for a moment how busy you are with your job. Remember a couple years ago having to work overtime just to keep your head above water at your office? Think back to last week. Did you even need eight hours each day to finish all your work-related tasks?

Sure, the economy sucks and you have far less money to get out of the house and go to a fancy restaurant like Arby's but what are you going to do to pass all that time you are spending at home like a damned hermit? You could seduce your significant other and get your sex on, of course. It sure beats watching repeats of The Real Housewives of Atlanta/Orange County/New York City/Little Rock/Des Moines and it is a hell of a lot more fun than just sitting on the couch... again.

So, are you or are you not finding yourself taking to cheaper options of entertainment such as sex during this, um, economic hiccup?

Sorry, sex-starved perverts, MinnPics is full of great photos but it's a family place so any photographs sexual in nature are strangely absent.

If the movie is called porno, just say it

Let's get back to the fundamentals of the world as we know it. Sex. More specifically pornography. Call it porn, porno, naked lady films, nudie films, etcetera.


This weekend is a landmark of sorts for the American film industry. Friday is the release date of Director Kevin Smith's raunchiest film to date, Zack & Miri Make a Porno.


I know that given Smith's history and the casting of Seth Rogen as the lead character Zack that the movie will be funny. The dialog will be filthy. The movie will be huge as far as comedies go.


What really has my undies in a bunch is the mainstream advertising for this film.


At some times on various big television networks, the film's title appears in full, other times -- sometimes on the same network (most notably NBC) -- the title is simply displayed as Zack & Miri. What has me puzzled the most is that in early evening hours (7 PM) I saw the film's full title displayed in the commercial touting its upcoming opening and the abridged version was seen past 11 PM during an episode of Saturday Night Live.

Is it just me or it this backwards? The movie isn't a porn flick nor is it any more sexually graphic than anything else released in the past few years. We can view television shows on the major networks during prime time that depict sexual acts and feature phrases which lie just outside of George Carlin's Seven Words such as penis, vagina, nipple, camel toe, slut, whore and a whole host of phrases which wouldn't have been acceptable in the relatively tight-laced 80s but we can't see the word porno typed out in a damn commercial? Where is this supposed secular culture that the ultra-religious feverishly bitch about? I just want to see porno typed out on my hi-def tv.

Alas, there is no porn at MinnPics but there is a wealth of stunning photography from across Minnesota.

Finding your inspiration

When was the last time you watched a movie for the second or maybe third time and found an entirely new meaning to it? When was the last time that happened and your eyes were opened and your mood was altered?

For me that happened Monday night. I caught the Zach Braff and Natalie Portmann flick Garden State. Not often would I be heard saying that a movie was simply beautiful. The overall tone from a casual watcher would probably be seen as downright sad. However, underneath that cloak of sadness lies hope.

"Good luck exploring the infinite abyss"

That line is uttered during the film's final minutes by Braff as a farewell to a man he had briefly met by way of Peter Sarsgaard's character. The seemingly odd character bids Braff's character farewell with the same line and it marks a turning point where the tone changes from a film about pointlessness and wandering through life without purpose to having direction. In an instant, the life and direction of Braff's character changed. He faced his past, embraced the present and faced his future without fear.

In seeing that movie and truly seeing it for what it is, I had a revelation of sorts. My mood changed from morose and downtrodden to mildly upbeat and somewhat optimistic. I feel inspired again to work on my photography and tackle my design work head on. Even living in the shadows of a world that many view as crumbling around us I now think "can it really get any worse?" I see hope and feel inspired.

So there it is. A little indie flick from days gone by inspired me. What things have inspired you? What is your current mood? Are you floating on a cloud or ready to kick a kitten through a box fan?

If you need any additional inspiration to kick-start your own self-improvement, visit MinnPics for amazing photographs taken throughout the great state of Minnesota.

Black coat, white shoes, black hat, Cadillac

Shock value. It's everywhere in our modern world. It's on our TVs, it's in our moview, it's in our music because as the headline says, classic lyrics like that just aren't around in today's "music".

But I'm not focusing on music, I'm talking shock today. For instance. the most shocking phone message I ever received was someone telling me to "shove my head up my ass and fuck myself". I'm no self-fucking expert but that sounds a tad difficult -- even for seasoned self-fucking veterans.

Am I alone in having a disturbing and profanity-laced message left on my answering machine?

Hey, there's no profanity at MinnPics but there are plenty of amazing photos from Minnesota's best photographers.

Keeping the tropical theme rolling

It appears that writer/producer/director extraordinaire Judd Apatow of Superbad and Knocked Up fame is going to own the late summer months of 2008 with yet another piece of comedic genius. Sure, Pineapple Express, with its constant run of expletives and stoner pot humor isn't for anyone but this uncut R-rated trailer had me in tears. It shows that Seth Rogen definitely has it and it's refreshing to see James Franco free from the broody shackles of his Spiderman co-starring role. It's too bad that we'll have to wait almost six months to see Apatow's newest summer blockbuster.




So, after watching that trailer what are your thoughts on this flick? Is it up your alley or way too immature? Is it the 21st century's Cheech & Chong or is it pure comedic gold that has mainstream appeal?

City Pages thrusts deep and still has it

Many folks are looking at that oh-so attention-grabbing headline and wondering just what "it" is. Well, take a gander at the visual representation of this tune and find out but come back and find out why Minneapolis alt-weekly City Pages still has it from time to time even after I wrote the publication off a few months back.

So what, you ask, caught my attention long enough for me to rethink the demise of the free bird cage liner?

Only a story about one writer's fake attempt to launch his own porn career. (Cue the millions tens of bizarre Google searches landing here... now.)

From choosing a porn name honoring Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty (the writer went with Tim Cockplenty -- get it?) to sporting a Sex World tank top, the relatively new writer spent some time at the Grammys of the porn industry -- The Adult Video News awards in Las Vegas.

After a short time, he discovered that being at the echelon of Ron Jeremy, a.k.a. The Hedgehog, doesn't happen with only a clever name. You need other skills too which porn veteran Tom Byron elaborated on...

"So Tom, I have to know: What do you think is the key to becoming a male superstar in the adult entertainment industry today?"

I hold my breath as he scratches his head and adjusts his sunglasses. "Ah, shit. I don't know. I guess it's just having a big cock."

The feature got me thinking about my chances in the porn career. Is there a place for a pasty midwestern guy who has rarely, if ever, been featured on video? Do I have the drive to go for hours and work myself to the bone? How about the daily grind? Could I push and push without stopping? I mean the industry is hard and only getting harder to enter so how could I have a shot?

Unabashed love... for a movie

I'll come right out and say it -- I loved "Juno". Hell, I knew I would love the movie when I saw a trailer for it late last summer. I knew it would be a hit not because the screenwriter, Diablo Cody, called the Twin Cities her home but because it's the best example of stellar writing I've seen in a long time.

This is one movie whose buzz stand up after watching it. The characters feel real, the dialogue flows effortlessly and the setting of the Minneapolis metro area rings true to me because I call it home as well. The location-dropping with mentions of Mankato, St. Cloud and Ridgedale perked my ears up because I can relate personally to those locales.

All home-town rooting aside, "Juno" is the best movie of 2007. Its roots are in the comedy genre but it touches on the full range of emotions. The scene in which lead character Juno brushes off her baby-daddy, Bleeker, shows that actor Michael Cera can display a multitude of feelings. He shows in that one scene that the one-time encounter with Juno, played by Ellen Page, truly meant something to him. That feeling of intense teenage romance comes to the surface in the post-birth scene where the once-rejected Bleeker comforts Juno. From there, with the movie nearing its final minutes, you can sense what sort of conclusion the film will have.
I won't give any more tidbits away but the selection of the actors including such big names as Jennifer Garner and Jason Bateman plays well and to think that it all started with a chair...

What matters my opinion though, what movies, current or further back, from 2007 made an indelible impression on you?

Not Juneau, Juno

Once-local adult entertainer turned writer Diablo Cody's somewhat talked about and critically-praised flick Juno officially has a trailer. It had me laughing but what matters the opinion of one? Watch the trailer and chime in -- would you spend eight or ten bucks to watch it in theaters?

Why going to the movies sucks

Here's an oldie from the archives of the annex. It is only relevant because we paid for a movie last weekend (Superbad) at one of the area multiplexes where the movie was being shown in ultra-blurry mode. I complained twice and was told that was the best it was going to get. I demanded a refund and we drove to the next town over and saw it at a showing 30 minutes later than originally planned. This time it kicked ass because it was in focus...

********

If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

And try, Minnesota movie theater owners, to stop gouging movie patrons for concessions. i know you have to make money SOMEWHERE but charging $4.50 for 32 ounces of soda that costs about two cents to produce is a bit more than over the top. And would it kill ya' to offer Coke products as opposed to Pepsi? If I'm gonna drink soda I want something that doesn't simply taste like watered down molasses, I want shit that will eat through my teeth if I were to gargle with it.